The Impact of Selection and Compatibility in Dating

Car buying experiences differ where one group has no refund or returns and is happier, while the other group can return it for any reason. When it's easy to have selection, it's harder to be satisfied due to decision fatigue. In dating, people look for compatibility with sameness, but the biggest problem is being less attracted to people who are too similar. We need complementarity and difference for an adventure. Online dating curates based on language, culture, and race, but good old-fashioned matchmakers focus on complementarity. Difference complements and makes people better. Goals are also important in relationships.

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Jonas Dovydenas

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Brought to you by Wealthfront high-yield savings account, Eight Sleep’s Pod Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating, and AG1 all-in-one nutritional supplement.

Arthur C. Brooks (@arthurbrooks) is the Parker Gilbert Montgomery Professor of the Practice of Public and Nonprofit Leadership at the Harvard Kennedy School and Professor of Management Practice at the Harvard Business School, where he teaches courses on leadership and happiness. He is also a columnist at The Atlantic, where he writes the popular “How to Build a Life” column. Brooks is the author of 13 books, including the 2022 #1 New York Times bestseller From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life and his newest Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier with co-author Oprah Winfrey. He speaks to audiences all around the world about human happiness and works to raise well-being within private companies, universities, public agencies, and community organizations.

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[07:10] The reverse bucket list.

[13:00] Intention without attachment.

[14:49] Writing Thích Nhất Hạnh’s obituary.

[17:30] Buddhist views through a Catholic lens.

[20:43] Blood occlusion training and physical fitness over 40.

[24:22] Arthur’s semi-mystical teenage experiences in Mexico.

[30:30] Arthur’s academic dad on complex vs. complicated.

[33:35] Happiness hygiene for genetically baseline gloominess.

[36:19] Happiness and unhappiness: hand in hand.

[39:31] Being effective with one’s affects.

[42:53] The three macronutrients of happiness.

[51:21] Identifying (and learning to live with) our idols.