The podcast explores how cultural narratives, particularly the romance myth, shape our relationships and hinder political activism.
Dean Spade emphasizes the importance of healthy dynamics in activist groups to foster resilient collaboration and sustain collective efforts.
Listeners are encouraged to recognize the romance cycle in various relationships, promoting awareness and resilience in interpersonal connections.
Deep dives
Understanding the Romance Myth
The concept of the romance myth is explored, highlighting how cultural narratives shape our views on relationships, leading to detrimental outcomes. This myth perpetuates the belief that romantic relationships are the most significant aspect of our lives, fostering a sense of scarcity and competition. Many individuals find themselves prioritizing romantic connections at the expense of friendships and political engagements, which can lead to isolation and unhealthy dynamics. By critically examining this myth, individuals are encouraged to recognize how these cultural scripts affect their behavior and relationships.
The Interconnectedness of Personal and Political Relationships
The podcast emphasizes that interpersonal actions are deeply connected to broader political struggles, suggesting that the way we treat each other in personal contexts influences our collective activism. Poor treatment within activist circles can lead to project failures, underscoring the need for healthier dynamics and supportive relationships. The conversation advocates for integrating desires for healing and connection with the pursuit of justice and freedom. This holistic approach fosters enriched political movements grounded in mutual care rather than personal agendas.
Navigating the Romance Cycle
Listeners are introduced to the 'romance cycle,' a pattern where individuals idealize relationships before encountering disillusionment. This cycle is relevant not only in romantic contexts but also in friendships and political affiliations, where initial enthusiasm can quickly turn to disappointment. Acknowledging this cycle allows individuals to better understand their tendencies to idealize and later criticize those around them. By normalizing discussions about these patterns, individuals can navigate their relationships with greater awareness and resilience.
Reframing Self-Help in a Collective Context
The podcast critiques conventional self-help literature, which often focuses on individual transformation without addressing systemic issues like capitalism and social inequality. It promotes a relational approach that encourages introspection within the context of interconnectedness, thereby rescuing the notion of self from an overly individualistic perspective. The conversation suggests that personal development should occur alongside collective empowerment, emphasizing the role of relationships in fostering a supportive community. This framework allows individuals to engage in meaningful change without perpetuating narratives of individual blame.
Creating Healthier Group Dynamics
The discussion highlights the importance of cultivating healthy dynamics within activist groups to sustain engagement and collaboration. Participants express the need for open communication, feedback mechanisms, and shared values that support individual and collective growth. By addressing conflicts before they escalate and recognizing the emotional history that influences current interactions, groups can build resilience. The conversation underscores that nurturing these environments is crucial for lasting political engagement and effective resistance efforts.
Some podcast apps may not display links from our show notes properly, so we have included a list of links at the end of this description.
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Lifelong activist and educator Dean Spade dares us to decide that our interpersonal actions are not separate from our politics of liberation and resistance. Many activist projects and resistance groups fall apart because people treat each other poorly, trying desperately to live out the cultural myths about dating and relationships that we are fed from an early age. How do we bring our best thinking about freedom and justice into step with our desires for healing and connection?
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In this episode, Dean is joined by CIIS Anthropology and Social Change Associate Professor Targol Mesbah in a liberating conversation on how to combat cultural scripts and take our relationships into our own hands, better preparing us for the work of changing the world.
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This episode was recorded during an in-person and live streamed event at California Institute of Integral Studies on February 28th, 2025. You can also watch it on the CIIS Public Programs YouTube channel. A transcript is available at ciispod.com. To find out more about CIIS and public programs like this one, visit our website ciis.edu and connect with us on social media @ciispubprograms.
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We hope that each episode of our podcast provides opportunities for growth, and that our listeners will use them as a starting point for further introspection. Many of the topics discussed on our podcast have the potential to bring up feelings and emotional responses. If you or someone you know is in need of mental health care and support, here are some resources to find immediate help and future healing:
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-Visit 988lifeline.org or text, call, or chat with The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988 from anywhere in the U.S. to be connected immediately with a trained counselor. Please note that 988 staff are required to take all action necessary to secure the safety of a caller and initiate emergency response with or without the caller’s consent if they are unwilling or unable to take action on their own behalf.
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-Visit thrivelifeline.org or text “THRIVE” to begin a conversation with a THRIVE Lifeline crisis responder 24/7/365, from anywhere: +1.313.662.8209. This confidential text line is available for individuals 18+ and is staffed by people in STEMM with marginalized identities.
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-Visit translifeline.org or call (877) 565-8860 in the U.S. or (877) 330-6366 in Canada to learn more and contact Trans Lifeline, who provides trans peer support divested from police.
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-Visit ciis.edu/ciis-in-the-world/counseling-clinics to learn more and schedule counseling sessions at one of our centers.
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-Find information about additional global helplines at befrienders.org.
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LINKS
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Podcast Transcripts: https://www.ciispod.com/
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California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS) Website: https://www.ciis.edu/
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CIIS Public Programs YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/ciispublicprograms
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CIIS Public Programs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ciispubprograms/
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Mental Health Care and Support Resources:
https://988lifeline.org/
https://thrivelifeline.org/
https://translifeline.org/
https://www.ciis.edu/ciis-in-the-world/counseling-clinics
https://befrienders.org/
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