Ask Margaret: What Should I Do When Friends Exclude My Kid?

What parenting advice works when kids are being excluded from friend groups? Margaret shares some parenting strategies for keeping calm ourselves and for modeling healthy behavior when our kids are faced with rejection.

A listener asks:

"Help! My 12-year-old son lost his only friend because his friend's other friends didn't like my son. Most kids find my son annoying. I have tried to explain to him how some of the things he does might make other people feel, but he is quite immature for his age and has ADHD. As a child, I also didn't have many friends. I'm like my mom, not super social, don't know what to do."

One of the best things you can do for your kid is model a healthy response to the situation. Acknowledge that rejection hurts but that it's a normal part of social dynamics in life and it may be a tough season socially for a little while. If you throw logs on the fire by reacting too strongly, it will cue your child to do the same.

Your kid may be in need of some social skills classes if they find friend dynamics tough on a regular basis. It's like learning math or reading - a skill that needs development and practice.

Finally, help your kid find activities outside of school with different friends, so that they have other social circles to fall back on if one goes sour.

Listen to our episode "Kid Friend Breakups" for more parenting tips on social exclusion in kid friend groups.

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