Play to Your Team’s Strengths with Strengths Performance Coach, Chris Failla

Play to Your Team’s Strengths with Strengths Performance Coach, Chris Failla

Jenn DeWall:

It’s Jenn DeWall, and on this week’s episode of The Leadership Habit podcast, I sat down with Chris Failla. As a Gallup Certified Strengths Performance Coach, speaker, and trusted advisor. Chris helps unlock you and your team’s full potential through strengths. Chris has a master’s degree in Organizational Leadership with an emphasis in adult learning and development. Over the past 15 years, he’s coached or trained people on every inhabited continent. And at some point, he’ll get to Antarctica as well! Join us in our conversation as we talk about how to leverage the strengths of your team.

Jenn DeWall:

Hi everyone, it’s Jenn DeWall. And on this week’s episode of The Leadership Habit, I’m sitting down with Chris Failla! Chris Failla- some of you may know or may not. He is a leadership and relationship coach, as well as a speaker. And today, we are going to be talking about how to be intentional in taking care of your number one team. Chris, thank you so much for joining us on the show today.

Meet Certified Strengths Performance Coach, Chris Failla

Chris Failla:

I’m super excited, Jenn. Thank you so much for the opportunity!

Jenn DeWall:

Chris, how did you come to— or, rather, where does your interest rise with helping people? I know we’re going to be talking about strengths and helping leaders understand how to identify the strengths, how to bring those strengths together. How did you become interested in that subject?

Chris Failla:

Yeah. Thank you for that question. So not where many people would expect, but I got married in 2003 at the very undercooked age of 21. I had no idea who I was, what I was bringing to the table. I was very raw, and I met this woman that I was like, wow if I don’t propose to her soon, someone else will. And I will be so mad for the rest of my life. But early on into our marriage, we discovered this tool that was at that point called StrengthsFinder. And we were given this gift of language to help turn the things that we were initially drawn to each other about, right. Opposites attract, and all of these clichés are cliché because they’re true. So all these polarities, right? It’s, you’re initially drawn to somebody. You have the Jerry McGuire—you complete me— all, all of these things, right?

But, but over time in a relationship, the things that were initially an attraction become an annoyance. And so, very early on, we were given this language for a positive approach and appreciation around the things that made us so different and initially drew us together. So this was a couple of years into our marriage, and I sometimes, with tongue in cheek, like to say that StrengthsFinder saved my marriage because it really was so much of it. Yeah. We’ve been married for 18 years and still going strong. But so much of it is because we have this positive, appreciative language to talk about our differences, who we are, our needs, our values. And so I thought if this could be so helpful for someone to, you know, two people as different as me and my wife, then who else could this be helpful for us? So we just jumped in and used it with every team, every organization, and have been going strong with it for the last 15 plus years.

Get to Know Your “Internal Team”

Jenn DeWall:

Wow. I am so excited to hear a lot of the stories that I’m sure you’re going to share because I still think that strengths while we understand, right. It’s nothing new to say, let’s, let’s play to someone’s strengths. People still get it wrong. So that’s kind of what we’re going to be talking about today. Like what do we do wrong? But first and foremost, let’s talk about just the definition of what is an internal team.

Chris Failla:

Yeah. So I love that we get to talk about this because one of the things that, that I love that the world is realizing, right. Actually, no, I love that that the Western world is now realizing that relationship is so crucial. Right? We, you know, in, in the states for so many years, we’ve I guess I would say kind of celebrated or highlighted the people that are individualistic. I can do everything on my own. I can figure it out. Right. Independence is like a, is a major value of ours. But what we’re realizing from the rest of the world is that relationship is so core and so central. So understanding the team is crucial to get anything done, but we don’t just have the teams around us. We also have this. I like to call it our internal team because one of the dangers I see with strengths is when we over-identify with certain attributes within ourselves, and then those things begin to own us instead of us owning them.

Jenn DeWall:

Wait, what does that mean? What does that mean? So if I look at a strength of communication, how would I over-identify with that?

Chris Failla:

Right. So I’ll tell you a quick story, and I share this in the book I’m working on, and we’ll get, we’ll come back around to that at the back end of this. But I was sitting with a couple. So I work with executives. I work with teams. I work with families. I work with couples. I was sitting with a couple, and you can relate to this because you have this as number two. Okay. So this husband was getting himself in trouble because his positivity was having a hard time actually connecting with his wife with some of her struggles because he could always see that, right. The positivity in him can always see the bright side and can always, you want to encourage. And when it’s okay, it’s no big deal, right? Because he sees the silver lining, right. The golden thread in even the difficult things.

But for her, she just wanted to be acknowledged that it was kind of sucky, that it was a little bit challenging, and that it wasn’t super, you know, that she didn’t want to need to be optimistic in this moment. But the way he framed it was what because I’m “positivity.” Right? And so, it almost became like an excuse. Well, because I am this, that essentially what he’s saying is I can’t not push that optimism on you. I can’t not force you to try to see the good, even when you’re not ready for it. So what I invited him to do was kind of back out of that a little bit and say, what if you’re not “positivity”? Well, what if you have positivity? But what if you need to balance that out with the awareness that sometimes people aren’t ready to look at the bright side because they actually need to move through the suck.

They need to move through the difficulty, and then they can actually own what’s positive. And what’s possible on the other side of that instead of this, you know, kind of what could be seen as unrealistic or naive. So that was just an example of giving him some distance and saying, wait a minute, like you need to almost put your positivity in the corner for a few minutes and connect with your wife through a different part of you. Right. Whether it’s like you, for example, I’d be curious how this resonates with you having positivity so high. Does, does that story mean anything to you? Have you ever seen where your positivity actually gets you in trouble in a relationship because of—I’m kind of putting you on the spot.

Discovering Your Strengths

Jenn DeWall:

I just love, like, I like need to, you know, share this conversation with my friends because they— I’m sure could tell you— that there are days when maybe they come to me for advice or for insights, and they’re just like, don’t want to hear it, Jenn. And so I always say, do you want to hear from Jenn, the coach, or do you want to hear from your friend Jenn, that can say, yeah, that’s awful. I like to ask that question, but absolutely that resonates. And just to catch up for everyone up to speed, we’re talking about CliftonStrengths (formerly StrengthsFinders) right now. And we actually, I, Chris, gave me the opportunity to take this test again. And one of my top characteristics or strengths is “positivity.” And so to bring this back. Yeah, absolutely. I’m sure some people actually, I can also look at it on a Monday morning, I roll into the office, and people are like, I don’t want to hear it. Done. Don’t care. Don’t want to be here.

Chris Failla:

Brightness down! Right. Turn down the brightness. We’re not ready. Right. And you’re like, why everybody? You come in with like a soundtrack playing in the background of your mind and heart, right? Like the birds are chirping. But that’s just how you see the world because your strengths are really the, it’s the lens right through which you, you can’t not see the world, but there’s a proverb in ancient Hebrew proverb that says something about like one who takes takes off a coat in heavy rain is like one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

Right. And sorry, I’m not trying to be a downer to you. But listen to your positivity, even right there, it’s like, oh, like you viscerally. Oh, ouchies, right? But it’s, it’s so needed. Right. It’s such a beautiful strength until it stops serving your relationships. And so one of the things like if, if you and I were in a coaching session, for example, I would offer you, I mean, we would kind of get there together. Right? But just at a quick glance, you also have this strength, and your top five, called empathy and empathy and positivity, work together as superpowers. Because it’s this powerful ability to connect with people in their emotions, but then also bring them through it to the other side, to them are the positive, hopeful outcome. But if your positivity is kind of being overplayed and your empathy is being underplayed, then it’s going to come across to your friends. Right. Like, okay, I’m not ready for this, dial it back a little bit, Jenn. But if you lead with— here’s the question you could ask your friends— would you like, would you like empathy or positivity right now? Which one of my strengths would you like me to be leading with for this conversation? Do you need to just be seen and heard, or do you need some perspective and some hope?

Jenn DeWall:

I like that as a great coaching question. In general, even as a leader of thinking about, you know, asking your employee, like if they did their own strengths, assessment, assessment, then asking their employee, what one would you like? How would you like this? I think that that’s a really powerful way. So I want to bring this in because clearly, I know where I get it wrong. Where do a lot of people get it wrong? So like, I definitely can relate to being “too much.” I’m looking here at my strengths, communication, positivity. Woo. You choose to get empathy. I mean, I either seem like the most exciting colleague or think, goodness, I do not work with her. Probably some people. So, where do people get it wrong?

Chris Failla:

Well, it’s, by the way, I think you are perfect for hosting this podcast. And when I, when I was sharing with my wife, the results of your strength, she was like, and she gets to be the host of the podcast? That must be like her- that’s her wheelhouse. Right. She must love that. You really are. You’re you’re incredible. Even in the process leading up to this, I was like, I can’t wait because I know I’m in such good hands, and she’s going to bring such good energy. So, where do people get it wrong? Abraham Maslow is credited as saying, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. And it’s when we, we kind of, we show up in every situation with a single sense of self of like, this is just how I am. This is how I operate. This is who I am. And so people just need to deal with me as I am, instead of realizing that we have all these tools to bring to the table in terms of how we show up.

So whether it’s, I mean, how many times does somebody come to a brainstorming meeting, ready to get things checked off a list, and they’re sitting there so frustrated because either the leader didn’t set the context for what type of meeting it is. Right? And it’s like, Hey, I’m asking you to put aside your, your like executing parts of you that wants to just get stuff done. I’m asking you to just like, put that aside for a little bit and lead with your strategic, your, you know, your ability to generate ideas, your creativity. So if this is making sense, we get it wrong. When we show up the same way to every single thing, instead of front-loading, what is the best part of me that I need to lead within what situation? And knowing that on the front end, instead of kind of paying for that on the backend.

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah. And I love that it’s reminding us to be intentional and that we have to wake out of our autopilot tendencies of just being in the day-to-day of work. How do you understand the different parts of yourselves? How do you start to begin to understand that? Because I think self-awareness, we might be aware of some things like, Hey, I know time is a really big issue to me. If someone is late or if someone doesn’t respond to something right away, but where do you begin to understand the different parts of yourself?

Chris Failla:

Yeah. Well, so there are so many, it’s a big question. There are so many different angles at which to approach that, right? Because you have, you have the values piece, so right. We talked about pet peeves and things like that, but pet peeves are really kind of like superficial expressions of deep values. Right? So, so you can approach it from the values angle of well- let me say this. Often we can start with paying attention to our energy. Do we start by paying attention to how I am feeling at this moment? Why is this draining the life out of me? Why do I feel ignited right now? Why did I want to stay in that conversation forever? Or why was I crawling out of my skin and wanting to, why did I want to evacuate that conversation? It’s our body that will tell us things way before our mind or even heart will.

Be Aware of What Energizes Your Team

Jenn DeWall:

And it’s so interesting because I want to talk about energy. That’s still kind of a new way to describe how to pay attention to yourself. Awareness. I think that people sometimes are like- energy? What the heck? That’s not, doesn’t seem logical, or it doesn’t seem rational, but I, I like the, you know, just that bringing to light that pay attention to the physical signs that your body is showing in a conversation as a first place. Keep going. I just love that. You said that because, and I want to call out the fact that there are some people that are like, what does that mean? But that was just thinking about how you’re feeling, and you’re thinking about energy. It’s just, how are you feeling?

Chris Failla:

Yeah. And you can watch, right? So you’re in a meeting, and you watch somebody’s body language, right? You say something, and their shoulders slump or their head goes down, or their face doesn’t move, and they don’t even realize it, paying attention to those cues that our bodies are indicators of what, of what we’re feeling right now and what the energy inside of us is doing that energy is connected to our needs, to our values, to our strengths, to our longings. So one of the things that I’ll do in a meeting is as I’ll actually tell somebody, you know, I’ll, if I’m- Okay, I’m going to come at this one angle and then I’ll come back around from another side because you asked, how do we start to identify language? Really, really the thing that we need is the language for it.

Once somebody can name something for us, it’s, it’s like when you go to the doctor, and you just feel off, and even if the doctor doesn’t have great news for you, right? Like so many people, they away from the doctor. If the doctor is named for them, what’s going on. There’s a sense of relief because you’re able to kind of like, hang what you’re experiencing on to write a word. Okay. You have the flu. Okay. Well, just knowing that. Right? I can relax a little bit. It’s the same thing with our strengths, the more language we have to describe these internal dynamics, internal needs, these values, the more quickly we can connect with others and help other people meet them, you know, meet us in that and we can meet them. So there’s Gallup in the StrengthsFinder tool. I love that. It gives a quick overview. You don’t even need to take the assessment to get a quick kind of insight into four of the broad parts of how we operate. Right? So you know, I’m looking at your strengths report right here, but anybody can relate to that there are at least four different parts of us, four different kinds of domains that are our actions and behaviors fall into, right?

So there’s the relational or the connection part of us, right? The part of us that wants to belong, the part of us wants to feel seen and be in a relationship. There’s the influencing part of us. We want to make a difference. We want to know that our work matters. We want to know that we’re making an impact on people. We have the executing side of us, which is about getting things done. It’s how we act. It’s how we behave. It’s what drives us to actually get things created and completed in the world. And then there’s the thinking side of us that sometimes just needs to process, sometimes needs to mull things over or make a plan. So what often happens is people will come to a “thinking time,” showing up with their “doer.” Right? Or they’ll come to a “doing time” showing up with their “thinker,” and that’s. Yeah.

Jenn DeWall:

Because, well, first and foremost, I’m looking again at my results, and you identified the four parts, executing, influencing relationship building, and strategic thinking. I have no purple in my job. I have no “executing.”

Chris Failla:

Yeah. So this is where, this is where coaching is really fun, right. Because it’s not until near number 15, so there, there are a couple of different, you know, meanings we could, we could extrapolate from this or guesses we can take at this, but here’s what I’ve observed of you. You actually, you do follow through, you do get things done. You do create. You do make things happen in the world. So it’s not an issue of what you can or can’t do. It’s how you get there. And so could I put a couple of questions out there for you? So let me ask you this. When a task gets delegated to you, is that, is that a common part of your role?

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah, having a task or project requires execution and then a lot of maybe even just coordination too that I do on behalf of our classes, making sure the students have the materials they need so on and so forth.

Chris Failla:

Okay. So let me ask you this. What are the most, if, if you feel comfortable answering this right on, on this podcast, but I’d be curious to hear what the most draining part of your job is?

Jenn DeWall:

Anything where it’s extremely detail-oriented? The greatest draining part is any administrative piece that’s detail-oriented. I just, you know, that’s not my top of mind. I’m really great at getting bigger things done. I’m great at pushing things forward. I’m great at having difficult conversations. When it comes down to individual emails. I mean, I’m going to be honest— and someone listening here knows I’m not even great at responding within whatever 24-hour window people expect. Like those are the things that are more draining for me is just the smaller pieces. Does that make sense based on my strengths?

Chris Failla:

Yeah. I, I, well, I resonate with that personally. Right. And that that does totally make sense. So let me, is it okay if we peel back some layers on this.

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah, let’s peel it back!

Chris Failla:

So to give you a feel of how this works. So here’s, if we peel it back, one of the questions I’d ask you is what the thought is? Or what’s the story you’re telling yourself when you approach your inbox, and you have these emails to respond to, what is the, if, if you could like put language to what’s going through your mind with your inbox facing you, what are you thinking?

Jenn DeWall:

I’m always behind.

Chris Failla:

I’m always behind.

Jenn DeWall:

I’m never caught up to where I should be. I’m always playing catch-up. And so then the emails can be very overwhelming and, you know, I think the other side is, can I hire someone? That’s the other bottom? Like, can someone manage this for me? No. It’s just really always going to it and being like, what did I miss now? How far behind am I? I like it, it’s interesting. Because you might think of the positivity, I absolutely am super critical of myself. So yeah. It’s what did I miss? How did I do something up? What do I have to do now? Like, oh my gosh, I just can’t seem to get ahead of it. That would be, those would be the core thoughts.

Figure Out Who, Not How

Chris Failla:

Right. So you, you, you kind of brought us into to really, I guess, one really important thing that you can approach from two different angles, right? There’s a guy named Dan Sullivan, and I think he wrote this book with Benjamin Hardy. Are you familiar with the book? Who Not How? It’s, it’s brilliant; it’s a brilliant book that gets us thinking about the nature of procrastination, right? And often you can notice somebody that you seem to be like an idea and a people person. So what often happens? You can probably relate to this, but you have an idea, and you’re ignited by the idea of the possibility. Quickly, your mind goes to, okay, well, I better do something with that so that it can actually serve people in the world instead of just staying in this ethereal idea land. Right? And so your mind probably immediately goes to, okay, how do I do this? How do I get this done? And then what happens to your energy as soon as you start going into the details of what it’s going to take to make this happen.

Jenn DeWall:

That’s when I can go with… things aren’t finished. My follow-through probably isn’t as polished, and my enthusiasm drains.

Chris Failla:

So, and I’m, I’m exactly the same way. That’s why I can name it for you, right? It’s because I totally get it. So who not, how means what if the first question we asked wasn’t how do I do this? But rather, who is the best person to bring into this, to help support me and make it a reality?

Jenn DeWall:

Yes!

Chris Failla:

Because there’s, there’s a relational understanding there that we don’t have every strength, right? We’re not completely balanced along with the thinking executing, relating, influencing all of us, have a specific kind of bent or direction. One of the Gallup, you know, the researchers, the authors behind the Clifton strengths tool, one of the things that they say is you’re not meant to be a well-rounded person. You’re meant to be sharp.

Jenn DeWall:

Cause I think a lot of people think that if you’re going to be the perfect package or the ideal package, you are well-rounded and every skill that may be a team or an organization needs, or you believe that they need.

Teams Should Be Well-Rounded, Individuals Should be Sharp

Chris Failla:

Yeah. It just doesn’t exist. Gallup’s Gallup’s statement is you’re not meant to be a well-rounded person. You’re meant to be sharp. And teams are meant to be well-rounded. So, so the invitation is to actually lean into our sharpness and say, okay, wait a minute, myself as Jenn, what if I got to spend 80% of my time creating, connecting, conversing, right? In this realm. And when it came to the details to the follow-through and stuff like that, what if that’s where you’re actually onto something, when your thought is, I just want to hire somebody. Because there might be somebody that would actually be lit up by coming alongside you and being like, Jenn, give me all of that stuff because there’s nothing more exciting than taking something across the finish line. There’s nothing more exciting for me than diving into the details and working it all through, and figuring out how to actually execute this idea.

Right. And you’re sitting there like, ugh! And they’re like, just give that to me! Give that to me! Right? Because, so, but here’s the thing I could say a little bit more about that. I’ll just make this comment, but will you remind me to come back around to our internal team because that’s part of this whole conversation? But what I wanted to say with that real quick is two leadership challenges happen that strengths help us be aware of. One of those things is that we have a tendency to downplay our strengths because it’s so natural to us. It’s so close to home that we just assume wouldn’t everybody be able to do it this way? Doesn’t everybody just get this? Doesn’t that just click for them? Part of my story is I lived in China for just under five years, and I speak Spanish, but I also was learning Mandarin.

And it was about 18 months into my time learning Mandarin that I just had this horrible day at class. Like my teacher was getting frustrated with me, and I was so discouraged, and things were not clicking. And I came home from class that day. And my wife noticed that I was just not in a good headspace. And she’s like, what’s going on with you? What happened? And I just told her that I had a super discouraging day. She’s like, wait a minute. Are you telling me that this is the first day you’ve had like that? I was like, yeah, what do you mean? She was like, baby, that’s how all of the rest of us have been feeling the whole entire time.

I was like, oh, that sucks. Like it had never occurred to me. Right? Because I had actually been in a really good flow and a really good zone. And so it became, it was so natural to me, the language just made sense to me. Why wouldn’t it just make sense? The same way to everybody else? So what we do is we kind of project our strengths on the others, and we think, oh, well, right. If this is so easy for me, of course, it should be easy for them. And then when they don’t, you know, achieve or execute to the same level that we can, then we get frustrated because it’s like, it’s easy. Look, I can show you this is how you do it, instead of realizing right. That for them, they might have a way different wiring. The other side of that, though, the flip side of that is that we project what drains us onto other people. And so we’re afraid to ask other people to do things for us that would drain us because why would we want to be the drain on them?

Jenn DeWall:

I do that all the time. I never would ask someone to do something that I think is, oh my gosh, that’s daunting, draining, tedious, redundant. I don’t want to ask people to do that because I don’t want to inconvenience them or add that to their plate.

Your Weaknesses are Someone Else’s Strengths

Chris Failla:

Isn’t that interesting? Right. And they might be sitting there, right? So you have at the bottom of your strengths-mix is things like analytical, which is that detail piece, right? Detail piece. Consistency, which is about kind of like that, that routine and doing things the same way over and over right. Discipline, which is about structuring your day, your world, and it’s all about creating structure and organizing things. And deliberative, which is all about implicational—thinking of really thinking everything through before you step into it, having the plan all the way figured out. And, but my wife has 1, 2, 3, 4 of your bottom five is in her top five.

Jenn DeWall:

So interesting. Can I hire your wife?

Chris Failla:

But what’s, so what’s fun about that is any like those things that you see as mundane or detailed or whatever. She’s like, I love that. Give me something mundane because it doesn’t take any energy for me. Right. Or give me something detailed, give me numbers to play with because that’s just where that’s just what makes sense to me in my world. And you’re like, I wouldn’t, why would I ever do that to you? Right. Why would I ever offer this food for you to eat when I hate that? And they’re like, that’s my favorite dish, and that’s my favorite meal. So just, just having a little bit of that distance to say, oh, wait a minute. What if everybody isn’t wired exactly like me, and what if we had more language to articulate, to identify, and to actually lean into these things? Will you let me bring this around quickly to the internal team piece of it?

Jenn DeWall:

Yes, I will! Let’s do it!

Chris Failla:

Let’s say we just don’t have the luxury of having that perfect complimentary partnership right at hand. Right? So, but in the same way that we can hand off a task or a facet of our work or activity or project to an external person, someone else on our team, I believe we can also hand things off to certain parts of ourselves.

Jenn DeWall:

Okay. Explain to me what you mean by that. Yeah. Explain it.

Chris Failla:

I want to put you on the spot real quick. Because you just had one of those nodding your head and had an insight moment. So I, I wanna, I’m curious what you think, what, what you started connecting there.

Jenn DeWall:

I don’t well, reframe that question one more time for me.

Chris Failla:

What was that insight you just had when you, when you started nodding your head?

Jenn DeWall:

No, I think it’s more like, how do you, or how do I apply it? Like how do I apply positivity to make myself more disciplined? Do I just say, Jenn, you can do this? I know that you have a plan. Is that what you mean? By being able to take that and look at your weakness and say, just face it head-on. Is that what you mean?

Chris Failla:

It’s, it’s not as much about taking a weakness and facing it head-on as saying, what is the best strength I have to get me the outcome that I need? And if I always lead with positivity, maybe what I need right now is actually right. So you have one in your top 10 called “activator.” You’re probably a powerhouse of getting things started.

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah. It’s just not finishing.

Chris Failla:

So, so there’s a few different directions. You can go with this. You could either just lean into that and say, Hey, you know, I need somebody to partner with me. That’s great at taking things across the finish line. Who is the follow-through person that loves that feeling of checking something off the list? And maybe that’s something you look for in who you hire, but it’s also when you have finished something. Because is it true that you’ve never followed through on something and like your entire life?

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah, absolutely not. I do it. I just procrastinate my way there.

Self-Awareness is Key to Understanding Strengths

Chris Failla:

Right. So, so the thing to really- the self-awareness piece comes in to say, okay, when I have followed through, what is it that me there, what was the motivation? What was the thought? What was the thing that was helping get to that follow-through point? How do I reproduce that more on the front end and with more intentionality instead of just occasionally following through and being like, I did it don’t know how, but I got here! Versus, okay, this is what’s going on. Right. So we would look at some of your strengths and say, okay, when you follow through, which ones of your strengths have a follow-through component to them. And, but some people don’t have time for all of that, or they don’t have this assessment in front of them. Right. So, but what you can do is you can, you can just kind of say, okay, last time that I followed through on something, what was I telling myself that helped me get at that last 20%?

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah. I mean, and I think it’s Jenn like you’ve got goals, and this is the last little part of the hill that you have to climb. You’re almost there. That’s my positivity message. And let’s do it because you’ve got goals.

Chris Failla:

Yeah. Okay. So you’ve got goals. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, even as I watch your facial expression, when you talk about your goals, when you like, like there’s this energy there, right. So when you think about your goals, what’s what does that do for you? What what’s, what’s that connected to? Like, what do your goals mean to you, or what happens when you feel that sense of accomplishment? How, how does that come to you?

Jenn DeWall:

Confidence. But then, when I can accomplish my goals, or when I think about the vision of what I want to create, it excites me! You know, that builds up the energy of it builds up enthusiasm, which then makes me want to take action. But then I quickly go to. I want to do all things.

Chris Failla:

Right. But, so what you’ve, what I heard a little bit in there is some of that futuristic in you, right? I’ve got vision. I’ve got, I know where I want to take this. So there’s an invitation in here, right? In this conversation, if we were full-on coaching, it would be really excavating. What are those things that drive you? What are the things that help move you forward and keep that energy sustained so that you don’t peter out 30% into the project, right? Or 40% or whatever. And so for you hearing that, it’s about your goals. It’s about a vision for not only what you want to accomplish, but I heard a vision for the kind of person you want to be.

Jenn DeWall:

Yes! I always think in terms of long-term like, what type of life do I want to live? What am I creating every day?

Chris Failla:

So, so that’s an example (or futuristic), right? And so whether we attach that to a specific strength based on the language here, or whether we just know that that’s something you can, you can almost hack yourself, right? You can, and you can kind of like catch yourself when your energy is starting to wane and be like, wait a minute. Why did I start this in the first place? What was that vision I had for myself of the life I wanted to create? And, and how does this email play into that? How does, how does this little task play into the life I’m creating? And the vision I have for Jenn DeWall two years from now, three years from now. How do I pull that into the present and live from that now?

Leading With Your Strengths

Jenn DeWall:

Yes. I love that. Connecting the dots to make sure I’m attaching the small or what I would perceive as maybe redundant or just meaningless tasks into why it’s so important. I love that. So, Chris, look, I know that we had so many more questions to even talk about this! How do you even begin to look at this as a leader? We went through and looked at some of my strengths. Like where does someone start if they hear this and they’re curious because this is a great tool to just again, get that reflection of yourself and to understand what your natural tendencies are, as well as what your blind spots are. Which mine are all executing, as you’re hearing, don’t email me. I may not respond. No, I’m kidding. But how do you start as a leader? How do you start to look at this? What would I know you had a framework? What would that be?

Chris Failla:

Yeah, so the framework is, I think part of it is, how do I primarily show up as my default way of leading? First of all, take the strengths assessment. If you, if you have a chance, it’s very worth your 20 bucks, right? It’s very worth the 20 bucks to get the language of Gallup Strengths. But if you don’t take that assessment, one of the places to start is okay. Would people describe me primarily as a relational leader? Do I get things done through collaboration, through connection? Do I create relational space? Am I more of an impactful and influencing leader? So do I show up wanting to move everybody else towards the goal? Do I want to get people bought in and release them into a vision? Am I more of an executing leader where I want to do it more myself?

And I feel a sense of accomplishment based on what I’m producing day-to-day, or am I more of a strategic leader where it’s all about? I come up with the plan. I come up with the processes, and then I invite other people to kind of hold the relationships together and produce the results. So what’s your default way of what’s your core or primary way of showing up. But then within that, also realizing that you have these other things accessible to you and asking what’s needed at the moment what’s needed in this next conversation what’s needed in this next meeting and trying on different parts of you to say, Hey, I’m going to actually like I’ll give you, do we have time for a quick sports analogy?

Jenn DeWall:

Yes Yes!

Chris Failla:

So I’m I coach soccer, tennis doesn’t work as well in this, but I’ve coached quite a few sports, and I play a lot of sports, but sports gives us a quick analogy, right? To, to say the coach is not the players. And if I am coaching a soccer team, the more I know the different players on the field, the more I’m going to be to put them in their best position. Some people are just attackers by mindset. Some people are more defensive by mindset. Some people see the whole field and need to play in the midfield.

So if I realize that I’m the coach, not the player, and I take the time to get to know the different parts of me, then here’s what can happen. I can realize that that for certain plays or parts of the game, I want a certain team captain. And I want certain people not to be a ball-hog. Right? So, so if the defense holds onto the ball the whole game and never gets it up to the attacker, and they’re like, well, nobody’s scoring on us. Right. But we never get up to the attackers. We’re not going to score and win. So it’s actually being able to look inside of ourselves and say, okay, is the executing part of me being a ball hog? Should I actually let that part of me pass the ball to my strategic thinker? And we make a more robust plan before we jump into action. Does my team need me to show up a little more relationally right now and strengthen our connection so that we’re, we realized we’re on the same page and then from there, right? So pass the ball to that relational part of you. And it just knowing that we have that inside of us helps us get that much closer to the actual output of it, instead of thinking that we only have one way of showing up. We’re much more complex and nuanced as humans than that.

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah. So what you’re saying is first start with understanding yourself. You could take this test for $20 USD but then think about it as you’re going into maybe a difficult conversation or a team meeting. I love that analogy of the soccer game or football as our international, you know, we’ll call it something different, but thinking about what is needed to play this game, what is needed for this meeting right now? And how do I need to show up? I think those are really important reminders because, again, we can’t just keep leading with our strength, going back to how we started this conversation, because it might actually create the opposite impact.

Chris Failla:

Yeah. So I hope that I don’t know if that answers your question. There’s obviously so much more we can.

Jenn DeWall:

I know. I feel like I need to have you back just so we can deep dive into this, or maybe we need to bring in a guest. So then you could go through and actually coach them how they would use it because I know it’d be fun to do something different. I’m sure they get sick of hearing the “positivity whoo-hoo” host to that.

Chris Failla:

No, but I know you have more to you than that.

Jenn DeWall:

How many would like, you know, I know I know that we have to wrap this up, but in curiosity, like how do you have any tips on how to be more, a little bit more intentional of what you recommend when you’re working with people? Because I already can hear the excuse, but my work is busy, but who has time to think about that? Do you have any tips for how we can really just slow down so we can speed up?

Chris Failla:

Yes. So slowing down is huge, right? One of the best pieces of leadership advice I ever got was from one of my, one of my professors in grad school. And he said he said someone gave him leadership advice. That was two words. And it was “be unhurried.” And that was really meaningful to me, right? Because that’s not, that’s even different than don’t hurry. Be unhurried- is a way of being that allows you to be more reflective, be more intentional. So that’s something that’s kind of a bigger picture, more philosophical approach to it. But realizing that as we “be unhurried,” we will have more time, more bandwidth to actually think about how we want to show up. But the second thing is it can happen in the little transitions, build in more margin into your time, right?

So put 15 minutes in between your meetings and take three of those minutes to say, okay, who am I showing up to? What’s needed? What part of me do I want to be team captain for this next hour-long conversation and notice that your energy is going to shift dramatically just by taking that three-minute pause? It might even not take three minutes. Some might even take just one minute to say, whom do I want to be team captain here and show up into the meeting, leading with that part of you. And I have a feeling you will be surprised at what kind of energy and an outcome you get out of that just by knowing how to meet people, where they’re coming from, and what they need.

Where to Find Chris and Learn More

Jenn DeWall:

I think that’s a great closing tip, too, to be unhurried. Slow down. Think about what’s appropriate, given the situation or circumstance that you’re walking to or walking into. Be unhurried. I think that’s a lesson that we all need to be reminded of probably daily. Chris, how can people get in touch with you? I know they can go to Chris failla.com when they’re they can connect with and probably book you for speaking. You can work with them on their own relationship or leadership challenges, anything I’m missing there?

Chris Failla:

That’s a great way to do it. Just if they want to know more about my work, they want to check out some of the resources I’ve put together. I’m, I’m more of an old school. I’m not much of an emailer either. And so I love when people just give me a call, right, or reach out over the phone. I love that human-to-human connection. I think that’s kind of a lost art. So, but I would say reach out in whatever form they’re kind of used to, but, but get a feel for my work and my website. Also, I’m going to make an offer for some of the things that I’m putting together. Some really big discounts and kind of accelerators for the listeners of this podcast. So if they go to ChrisFailla.com and I know you’ll have that spelled out in the show notes because not a lot of people spell my name, right, but ChrisFailla.com/podcast, then they’ll have access to some tools I’m putting together that help give language and help reinforce this framework so that they can show up at their best in every situation, not just on accident every once in a while.

Jenn DeWall:

Oh my gosh, Chris, thank you so much for all of your insight. Thank you for coaching me today, and thank you for also giving and leaving us with a reminder to show up and be unhurried. It was truly a pleasure to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much.

Chris Failla:

Yeah. And I love this. Thank you. I can’t wait. Let’s do it again.

Jenn DeWall:

I know we need to!

Jenn DeWall:

Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode of The Leadership Habit podcast with Chris Failla. I hope you really enjoyed it and took away valuable and tips for how you can leverage the strengths of your team. If you want to connect with Chris, head on over to ChrisFailla.com, and there you can find his podcast and also download his e-book, Playing to Your Strengths. Now, of course, if you want to learn more about leadership development for your team or organization, don’t forget to head over to Crestcom.com. We offer complimentary to all our skills-building workshops, and we would love to come and help your organization. If you know someone that would enjoy this podcast, please share it with them. And don’t forget to leave us a review on your favorite podcast streaming service.

 

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