Is It My ADHD? PART TWO: ‘Grace, where have you been?’ with Stacey Heale
‘People with ADHD will burn out more quickly, because it takes them more effort and mental work to do what could be seen as to be done effortlessly by other people. If we’re serious about this, we need to support people during the build-up rather than just see them when it’s too late and they’re in full burnout.’ Dr Mohamed Abdelghani
Today, I’m joined by fashion academic and the author of ‘Now is Not the Time for Flowers’, Stacey Heale, for a deep dive into the real lived experience of ADHD burnout.
When I started the podcast, I was in a really good place. I knew ADHD was going to impair my abilities in various ways, but if I’m totally honest, I felt like I’d largely mastered ADHD. Like, not only had I done the research and felt so very self aware, but I was also just feeling quite together. To the point where I’d look at the supposed impairments identified in my assessment report and think, nahhh! I’ve got this all sorted. But that was an illusion!
As someone who felt largely incapable of life, it’s a very sexy feeling, smashing through a to-do list, making things happen. Being good at things. When this is in motion, I go in hard. Overextension needs to last just long enough to finish the job. As I get older, it feels like this is what is most precarious – how long will I last? Then the body can’t keep up with the mind, and I slide into burnout. I can’t seem to predict when it’ll happen – my capacity, I guess, is constantly shifting.
I used to quit when this happened. But the truth is, I’m no longer in a stage of life where I can afford to quit. I have to have bad days and come out the other side. And here’s the thing – yes, I was working hard and having to juggle it with my other responsibilities, but I have to acknowledge: nothing was that bad, you know? It wasn’t the back-to-back surgeries I know ADHD friends have to work through, or a case of battling against roadblocks and toxic relationships. I had support. And nothing went wrong as such – there was no cataclysmic shortfall. But still – I’d never been down this close to rock bottom.
So, what’s next? I have to work out how gingerly I need to approach work, what are my limits and when do I need to ask for help.
Why didn’t I share this sooner? It pains me to even share it now, to be honest, because I want to be employable – I don’t want to show that weakness that might make mine the LinkedIn profile a prospective boss flicks straight past, or think that colleagues are having chats about me in hushed tones. I don’t want my choices to be questioned or my mistakes to be seen as indelible examples of who I really am. I just want to be on an equal footing with everyone else and to be given the benefit of the doubt.
In this second episode, Stacey and I explore the clinical picture of burnout; Stacey’s experience of on-going burnout in the aftermath of her husband Greg’s death, and what we should be doing to refuel our systems.
If this is your first episode, be sure to check out part one. There’s more vulnerability than I think I ever wanted to bring to the podcast as host, but I hope it’ll be helpful in understanding yourself and others who might go through something similar.
Stacey Heale – who was diagnosed with ADHD in 2023 - is a fashion academic, mum of two and the author of ‘Now Is Not The Time For Flowers’, which is available to buy here
Follow Stacey here
Follow me here
Huge thanks to The Tape Agency for making this two-part special and taking such good care of me.
Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. This podcast is no substitute for professional medical care or diagnosis. In the meantime, you can find more information here:
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