In this insightful episode, Charles explores the psychology of negotiation with Kwame Christian, founder and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute and host of the #1 negotiation podcast in the world.
Kwame reveals his journey from being a chronic people-pleaser to becoming a negotiation expert, sharing how growing up as one of the only Black families in a small Ohio town shaped his approach to human connection.
The conversation shifts from theoretical concepts to practical psychology as Kwame breaks down his "Compassionate Curiosity" framework—a three-step approach that works equally well for internal and external negotiations.
Rather than focusing on tactical maneuvers, Charles and Kwame explore how creating psychological safety through emotional awareness transforms negotiation outcomes. Together, they challenge conventional negotiation wisdom, emphasizing that persuasion is most effective when imperceptible. Kwame illustrates this through real-world examples from his work with organizations like Google, Apple, and NASA.
Key Takeaways: * Why understanding psychology matters more than memorizing negotiation tactics * How to use the "survivability test" to overcome negotiation anxiety * The psychological reason warm food (like pho) creates better negotiation outcomes * Why changing pronouns from "you" to "we" transforms difficult conversations
Head over to podcast.iamcharlesschwartz.com to download your exclusive companion guide, designed to guide you step-by-step in implementing the strategies revealed in this episode.
KEY POINTS: 5:48 - The Hidden Cost of Popularity: Kwame reveals the silent sacrifices he made to become popular: "I would say yes when I meant to say no, and I would just get along to get along... I was getting other people to like me, but at times I wasn't liking myself." 13:24 - Changing the Pronouns: Charles explains how shifting language transforms negotiations: "Instead of saying 'what do you want?' it's 'what do we want? How are we going to figure out the best solution that works for us?'" 19:41 - Simple vs. Complex: Kwame quotes Leonardo da Vinci and Bruce Lee to explain his approach: "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" and "I don't fear the man who knows 10,000 kicks. I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." 24:23 - The Empathy Loop: Kwame describes his three-step listening technique: "Step one is listen. Step two is summarize... And then with step three, this is the magic because we don't advance in the conversation until they give us the green light." 35:23 - Feet Don't Lie: Kwame explains why feet reveal true intentions: "Body language becomes more truthful the further away we get from the head... People don't know how to lie with their feet." 37:44 - Curious Not Clinical: Kwame emphasizes that understanding psychology starts with genuine curiosity: "Start paying attention because you start to see, oh, wait a second... people's bodies are screaming all the time." 43:25 - From People Pleaser to Confident Communicator: Kwame mentions his training program specifically designed to help people "overcome those fears, fight those internal barriers so you can be the confident negotiator you always wanted to be."