
Waking Up to Narcissism Narcissistic Off Switch: When Naming It Makes It Worse
Can you "turn off" a narcissist with one calm sentence? Tony unpacks the viral "narcissistic off switch" concept and discovers why tactics alone won't save you—but they might be exactly where real transformation begins.
After stumbling upon behavioral expert Chase Hughes' framework for disarming manipulation using FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt), Tony initially resisted the idea. It felt too simple. But when he traced the concept back to its source, something shifted. The off switch isn't about changing them—it's about stopping the erosion of you. Through raw client stories and David Schnarch's differentiation work, Tony reveals why awareness doesn't land as insight to the emotionally immature—it lands as exposure. And exposure is a threat.
What you'll learn:
Recognize when FOG and CAVA (Control, Approval, Validation, Attention) are being used against you
Understand why naming manipulation often backfires in deeply bonded relationships
Apply Schnarch's four points of balance to stay grounded during accusations
Stop defending a "reflected sense of self" and start building one that's truly yours
Embrace outcome independence—saying your truth without needing their agreement
Drawing from 20+ years as a marriage and family therapist specializing in emotionally immature dynamics, Tony bridges tactical awareness with the deeper work of differentiation.
00:00 Introduction and Social Media Plugs
01:11 The Lost Episode: Narcissistic Off Switch
05:27 Chase Hughes and the Concept of Prediction
16:11 Understanding Manipulation: FOG and KAVA
18:33 Real-Life Examples: Navigating Emotional Manipulation
28:46 Understanding Unhealthy Responses
29:24 The Power of Differentiated Response
30:18 Challenges in Relationships
30:42 Contrasting Views on Manipulation
32:09 Real-Life Examples of Manipulation
37:22 The Concept of Differentiation
43:35 Projection and Emotional Immaturity
46:50 The Four Points of Balance
50:53 Gridlock and Constructing Your Crucible
54:22 Final Thoughts on Emotional Autonomy
Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.
And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.
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