“The Value Proposition of Romantic Relationships” by johnswentworth

What's the main value proposition of romantic relationships?

Now, look, I know that when people drop that kind of question, they’re often about to present a hyper-cynical answer which totally ignores the main thing which is great and beautiful about relationships. And then they’re going to say something about how relationships are overrated or some such, making you as a reader just feel sad and/or enraged. That's not what this post is about.

So let me start with some more constructive motivations…

First Motivation: Noticing When The Thing Is Missing

I had a 10-year relationship. It had its ups and downs, but it was overall negative for me. And I now think a big part of the problem with that relationship was that it did not have the part which contributes most of the value in most relationships. But I did not know that at the time. Recently, I [...]

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Outline:

(00:40) First Motivation: Noticing When The Thing Is Missing

(01:29) Second Motivation: Selecting For and Cultivating The Thing

(02:25) Some Pointers To The Thing

(03:17) How To Manufacture Relationships In The Lab

(04:53) Ace Aro Relationships

(08:04) Some Pointers To Willingness to Be Vulnerable

(12:33) Unfolding The Thing

(13:11) Play

(15:18) Emotional Support

(16:21) A Tiny High-Trust Community

(18:18) Communication

(21:28) The Obvious Caveat

(22:20) Summary

The original text contained 2 footnotes which were omitted from this narration.

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First published:
June 2nd, 2025

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/L2GR6TsB9QDqMhWs7/the-value-proposition-of-romantic-relationships

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.