Why Your Child's Behavior Triggers You with Debra Brause

Have you ever wondered why your child's behavior feels so personal?

Why does your child's behavior set off such a strong reaction, even when you understand what they're struggling with?

In this powerful episode of Complicated Kids, I talk with clinical psychologist Dr. Debra Brause about what's really happening inside us during those intense parenting moments. We explore why kids trigger old wounds, how shame gets unconsciously passed around, and what it looks like to shift from reacting to responding.

Debra offers a grounded, compassionate framework that helps parents understand their emotional experience without blame, so connection becomes easier, calmer, and more sustainable.

If you've ever wondered why certain behaviors from your child hit you harder than others, this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.

Key Takeaways

• Kids absorb our emotional signals, not just our words.
• Parental triggers often originate in old wounds or unmet needs.
• Shame gets passed around until someone notices they're holding it.
• Awareness, not perfection, is the beginning of breaking cycles.
• Your child's behavior is communication, not an evaluation of your parenting.
• "Junky" feelings are cues to look within, not at your child.
• Neurodivergent kids often stir up intense emotions because they challenge old patterns.
• Self-regulation is a precursor to co-regulation.
• Even small shifts in awareness change the parent-child dynamic.
• Connection, not control, is the pathway to healing.

About Debra Brause

Dr. Debra Brause is a clinical psychologist who works from a neuro-affirming perspective with parents raising neurodivergent children and autistic adults. She earned her Doctorate in Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology and completed advanced training in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, diagnostic assessment at UCLA, and community mental health.

She has taught Human Development at Alliant International University, supervised clinicians at multiple counseling centers, and regularly presents seminars on neurodiversity. Before becoming a psychologist, she spent a decade working in television and entertainment, experience that now informs her work helping clients move through emotional and creative blocks.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

Complicated Kids Resources and Links

🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up

Enjoying the show?

If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot.

If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at media@speechkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family best.

Thank you so much for listening and for being part of this community. 💛