People Pleasing Is Making You Sick!

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Oct 9, 2025

People-pleasing can mask your true self, leading to emotional depletion and a false persona. The hosts explore how family dynamics create this habit, often driven by a need for safety at the expense of authenticity. They discuss practical tools for breaking the cycle, like taking time to reflect before saying yes. The conversation highlights the importance of inner authority and the courage to embrace your true desires, even at the risk of disapproval. Additionally, they touch on dream interpretation as a powerful means of reconnecting with one's core self.

01:20:33

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insights

INSIGHT

People-Pleasing Vs Genuine Willingness

People-pleasing disavows your needs and seeks approval to avoid conflict.
Check your stress and obligation versus genuine interest to spot when pleasing is automatic.

insights

INSIGHT

Agreeableness: Two Sides Of A Trait

Agreeableness is a Big Five trait that can be compassionate or polite.
High agreeableness helps cooperation but can be costly in conflict-heavy contexts.

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ANECDOTE

Hostess Who Kicked Guests Out

Deborah told a story about a hostess who politely kicked guests out to protect her energy.
That showed how generosity can coexist with boundary-setting.

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Defining People-Pleasing and Its Costs

01:04 • 4min

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Agreeableness vs. People-Pleasing

04:41 • 4min

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Persona, Socialization, and When Pleasing Sacrifices Self

08:24 • 4min

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When Agreeableness Is Context-Dependent

12:22 • 5min

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Point of Reference: Inner Compass vs. External Approval

16:52 • 2min

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Family Dynamics That Create People-Pleasing

18:39 • 3min

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Dependent Narcissism and the Covert Contract

21:24 • 3min

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Trauma Responses: Fawning and Compulsion

24:12 • 5min

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False Self and Loss of Inner Authority

29:23 • 4min

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Finding Your Preferences When You Don't Know Them

33:08 • 4min

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Simple Tools to Reconnect with Yourself

36:57 • 3min

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Saying 'I'll Think About It' as a Boundary

39:49 • 2min

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Interrupting the Automatic Yes

41:50 • 2min

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Reclaiming Aggression from the Shadow

44:06 • 9min

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The Courage to Be Disliked and Inner Strength

52:51 • 8min

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When Pleasing Is Healthy Versus Pathological

01:01:03 • 3min

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Dreams as a Way to Find Your Core

01:04:33 • 40sec

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Dream: My Father Coming Home at Night

01:05:13 • 4min

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Interpreting the Father Complex in the Dream

01:09:06 • 6min

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Father's Blessing, Betrayal, and Moving Forward

01:15:20 • 4min

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Fear of Loss and Instability Around Commitment

The Littlest Princess, or The Princess Who Found Her Name

None

Dale Kushner

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The frog prince

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This version of 'The Frog Prince' is an adaptation of the traditional European fairy tale, best known through the Brothers Grimm's rendition. The story follows a spoiled princess who befriends a frog, who is actually a prince under an enchantment. The spell is broken when the princess throws the frog against a wall, revealing his true form. Walter Crane's illustrations bring this timeless tale to life.

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Moby-Dick is a novel that tells the story of Captain Ahab's maniacal quest for revenge against Moby Dick, the giant white sperm whale that bit off his leg. Narrated by Ishmael, the story follows the crew of the whaling ship Pequod as they embark on a journey that explores themes of obsession, man vs. nature, and the existential questions of good and evil. The novel is rich in detailed descriptions of whale hunting and life aboard a culturally diverse crew, and it has become a cornerstone of American and world literature.

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The Lion, The witch and the Wardrobe

C.S. Lewis

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is a portal fantasy novel that follows the story of four English siblings - Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy - who are evacuated to the countryside during World War II. While exploring the large, old house of Professor Kirke, Lucy discovers a wardrobe that serves as a portal to the land of Narnia. In Narnia, they encounter various magical creatures and the evil White Witch, who has cast a spell to keep Narnia in perpetual winter. The siblings soon learn that they are part of an ancient prophecy to save Narnia, aided by the lion Aslan. The story is an allegory of Christianity, with Aslan's sacrifice and resurrection mirroring the story of Jesus Christ. The novel also incorporates elements from Germanic, classical Greek and Roman, and Celtic mythology.

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Aniela Jaffé

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The Vital Spark

on reclaiming outlaw energies and finding one's feminine fire

Lisa Marchiano

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠DREAM WITH US, and we’ll teach you how to interpret them!

People Pleasing is a compulsive strategy that disavows your needs and surrenders your agency. It begins in family systems that only reward compliance, which produces a false self. If your soul is constantly devalued, you may develop dependent narcissism with a covert contract: “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me safe.” Healing comes when you identify your true experience—notice whether you feel drained, tense, or obligated versus calm, interested, or genuinely willing. Give yourself permission to pause before agreeing. Say, “I’ll think about it,” step away to check in, rate how much you do or don’t like the request, and give a clear yes/no. Say yes only when it aligns with your values and can be revised; a yes aimed at managing someone else’s mood or bolstering your self-worth is unhealthy and requires deeper work. Growth requires inner authority and the courage to be disliked so that your choices follow Psyche rather than external approval.

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