Psychotherapist and author Megan Devine joins Jameela to discuss what grief is, how it can affect us physically, how we can help those who are grieving, and they answer questions about grief and healing. They also touch on supporting through grief, insensitive comments and judgments, supporting a friend through a breakup, grief and regrets about having children, navigating grief, and expressing gratitude and reflection.
Grieving the death of someone with a complicated relationship is valid and complex, and should be acknowledged and validated by society.
There is societal pressure to immediately forgive and view a deceased person in a saintly light, but it is important to allow and process negative emotions authentically.
When grieving a complicated relationship, it is crucial to create space for a range of emotions and to surround oneself with a supportive community that understands and respects individual experiences.
Deep dives
Grieving the Death of a Complicated Relationship
Grieving the death of someone with whom you had a complicated relationship is a valid and complex experience. Despite any negative aspects or complexities, their death can still evoke emotional responses. The loss may represent the potential for a better relationship that will never be realized. It can also signify the loss of what should have been and what was deserved but never received. Society often struggles to understand how one can grieve someone they disliked or had a difficult relationship with. It's important to acknowledge and validate these feelings, offering support and empathy rather than judgment. Each person's grief journey is unique and should be honored.
Pressure to Forgive and the Saintly Perception
There can be societal pressure to immediately forgive and view a deceased individual in a saintly light. However, this expectation can be challenging, especially if there are unresolved feelings, anger, or hurt. It is not necessary to force forgiveness simply because someone has passed away. Feeling anger or negative emotions after their death is not uncommon or wrong. It is crucial to allow oneself to feel and process these emotions in a way that feels authentic and therapeutic. Society's idealized perception should not invalidate individual experiences and emotions.
Navigating Complex Emotions
Grieving the death of someone with whom one had a complicated relationship can be emotionally challenging. It is essential to create space for oneself to process and express a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, relief, or confusion. Acknowledging that the relationship was complex allows for a more honest grieving process. It is also important to surround oneself with a supportive community that understands and respects individual experiences and emotions. Each person's grief journey is unique, and it is crucial to embrace their personal feelings without judgment or unrealistic expectations.
Honoring Individual Feelings
Honoring individual feelings and experiences when grieving the death of someone with whom there was a complicated relationship is crucial. It is okay to feel a mix of emotions and to take the time needed to process them. Seeking support from understanding friends, therapists, or support groups can be beneficial in navigating the complexities of grief. By allowing and validating one's emotions, healing can occur, even in the context of a challenging relationship.
Managing complex emotions and the concept of forgiveness
It is important to find spaces to express and explore the complex mix of emotions that accompany grief. Forgiveness should not be imposed on survivors as a requirement for healing, as some things may be unforgivable. It is crucial to not tell survivors how to survive and instead focus on finding healthy ways to process and express emotions without causing harm to others.
Dealing with anticipatory grief
When facing the impending death of a loved one, it is common to worry about wasting the time you have left together by being upset about the future loss. It is essential to acknowledge that it is normal to have intense feelings and concerns about the impending death. Taking breaks to process these emotions and remaining present in the moment can help strike a balance between acknowledging grief and cherishing the time you have together. Open and honest conversations with the dying person about fears and emotions can be powerful, allowing for an address of emotions instead of attempting to suppress them.
Psychotherapist and author Megan Devine joins Jameela this week to discuss what grief is, how it can affect us physically, what we can say to those in our lives who are grieving, and how we can actually help, and then wrap things up by answering your questions about grief and healing.
