Ask Margaret: My Spouse and I Disagree About Bedtime

What do we do when we disagree with our parenting partners about bedtime routines for our little ones?

Here's how to get on the same side of the net against this issue.

A listener writes:

"My husband and I disagree about how to handle bedtime for our 5-year-old. It’s been a struggle to get her to sleep before 11 pm. My husband wants to tell her "you need to be in bed now" when it’s 9 pm or 9:30. This kicks off a huge temper tantrum and sets bedtime back even further. I say, just let her play until she’s tired. Any advice on how to handle different approaches to bedtime routines?"

Kids of preschool age need about 10-13 hours of sleep (including naps), so if a 5-year-old is going to bed at 11 p.m., they may not be getting enough rest.

On the other hand, changing up a young child's bedtime routine can result in an "extinction burst," or a pushback against this new and unexpected boundary. Know ahead of time that it may take about two weeks of hard work to successfully establish a new bedtime with your child that works for everyone.

As far as discussing it with your parenting partner, remember to get on the same side of the net against the problem. The issue is a bedtime routine that has become stressful for everyone, including your 5-year-old.

Here's the link to the article Margaret mentions in the episode:

Mayo Clinic: "Child sleep: Put preschool bedtime problems to rest"

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