What if the parts of us we feel most ashamed of—our tender, young, vulnerable selves—were actually the doorway to greater sovereignty and connection in our partnerships? In this deeply personal episode, we share a very real moment from our recent IFS (Internal Family Systems) retreat with Richard Schwartz, where an old, exiled part of me got triggered in a big way. But instead of spiraling into conflict or disconnection, we used our agreements and IFS tools to move through it—together. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling unseen, insignificant, or overly sensitive in your relationship, this episode is for you.

“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer

(00:00) Fairness in holding space

(01:14) Setting the stage: Krista’s trigger

(03:41) A pattern re-emerges: Feeling invisible

(07:47) A call for support

(11:04) Stepping into an IFS process together

(12:27) Krista’s breakthrough: Meeting a 3-year-old exiled part

(15:40) From shame to shared understanding

(17:34) Witnessing the root together

(20:08) Why this moment changed the trigger

(20:45) Turning triggers into healing: The power of a supportive partner

Reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!

Resources Mentioned:

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The Art Of We Website
The Art of We Instagram
Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training

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S4E3 - The Pilgrim Way According to Dante - Lecture 3 - John S Allitt