The podcast explores the struggles of feeling unheard and unseen, both in personal relationships and at work. It discusses the impact of childhood experiences on self-image and the pain that comes from not feeling seen. The speakers delve into the concept of stomatrine, a negative self-image, and how to overcome it. They also talk about letting go of negative thoughts and seeking attention.
34:06
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Quick takeaways
Feeling unheard and unseen can lead to emotional reactions and difficulty in effective communication.
Childhood experiences of neglect and constant fighting can contribute to the need to be seen and heard as an adult.
Deep dives
Feeling unheard and not being able to make sense
The guest, Michelle, discusses her struggle with not feeling heard and being unable to effectively communicate her thoughts and ideas. She explains that sometimes she feels like she's talking gibberish or that people are not following her. This issue has occurred frequently in her interactions with her mother, where she feels her mother doesn't understand what she's trying to say. Michelle attributes this feeling to her desire for people to ask clarifying questions and truly listen to her. She also mentions feeling a sense of seriousness and bitterness since the COVID-19 pandemic began, and wonders if these emotions are connected to the loss of her stepfather, who was the one person she felt truly understood and heard her.
Childhood experiences and the need to be seen
During the conversation, it is revealed that Michelle's childhood was marked by her parents' constant fighting, which created an unsafe and tension-filled environment. She and her brother often felt neglected and not seen, as their parents focused on their own issues. Michelle reflects on her attempts to bring her parents together and the desire to be heard and seen as a young child. She also shares her frustration with her father's dismissive attitudes towards her experiences. These childhood experiences have shaped Michelle's need to be seen and heard as an adult, causing her to seek validation and prove her competence to others.
The impact of negative self-image
The podcast explores how Michelle's struggle with feeling unheard and her efforts to be seen are rooted in a negative self-image. She reveals that she has internalized a belief that she is ridiculous and not important, stemming from judgments made by her parents during her childhood. This negative self-image leads her to get angry and hurt when she feels unseen by others. The podcast delves into the trap of trying to prove oneself in order to combat the negative self-image, but ultimately concludes that fighting against it is futile. Instead, the suggestion is made to make light of the self-image and let go of the negative beliefs.
The path to freedom and acceptance
The podcast conversation concludes by offering a path to freedom from the negative self-image. Instead of trying to constantly prove herself to others, Michelle is encouraged to recognize and laugh at the negative self-image when it arises. The podcast emphasizes that she should accept the fact that not everyone will see or hear her, and that it's not a reflection of her worth or competence. It is acknowledged that the negative self-image may still influence her at times, but the focus is on letting go and recognizing that it's just a thought, not the reality of who she is. By shifting her perspective and embracing self-acceptance, Michelle can find relief and experience life with more lightness.
Michelle (34) notices she can get really emotional when she doesn't feel seen or heard. She starts to stumble when it happens and sometimes she even starts crying. It happens at work as well, which 'isn't great'.
Do you also have a personal problem and would you like to discuss it with Berthold in the podcast? We would love to have you as our guest!Click here for more info and the application form.
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