Getting Discomfortable with Microaggressions

This episode looks at the concept of Microaggression and how this phenomenon has shown up in my life in both big and small ways. Given that most microaggressions seem to be largely unintentional, I think the term “micro-stress” might actually be a more appropriate and less shaming way to frame it. It’s important to own that the way we interpret any given situation is the actual cause of most of the psychological unpleasantness we experience around it. But by the same token, once someone or some group has made it clear that certain words or behaviours trigger stress or unpleasantness for them, I see no reason not to try to accommodate those groups and help alleviate their stress, within reason. I suspect that when people stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the concept of microaggression, it is often coming from a place of shame.

As social animals, I think we are programmed to naturally care about the feelings of other people, so long as we don’t feel blamed for causing those feelings (or even responsible for “fixing” them). Blame triggers shame and defensiveness, which stimulates our ancient threat response. This puts our brains into a kind of emergency martial law lockdown. When we are operating out of our threat response we prioritize our needs above all others. This means that our need to appear “right” trumps our otherwise innate desire to help people. So while I think the concept of microaggressions is very real and useful, it will backfire if it isn’t communicated in an empathetic way. 

That being said, for me personally, just understanding that situations of micro-stress existed at all was a big help in confronting and conceptualizing something that had been negatively affecting my life. Hesitating to talk about my personal life with coworkers. Avoiding showing affection to my boyfriend in public. Being nervous to see a new doctor at a walk-in clinic. These tiny moments of seemingly insignificant stress were actually building up over time and undermining my health and well-being in ways that were hard to pinpoint. It wasn’t one big trauma, but a lifetime of identical nicks and scrapes. Once I had a name for it though, I was able to recognize it and try to deal with it in a more healthy and proactive way. I hope we can help others do the same.