The A to Z English Podcast Culture Corner | First Date Etiquette in America
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In this episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack discuss etiquette surrounding first dates in the United States.
Transcript:
00:00:00
Jack
Hey A-Z listeners, this is Jack here.
00:00:03
Jack
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00:00:23
Jack
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00:00:42
Jack
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00:00:44
Jack
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00:00:52
Jack
Now let's get on with the show.
00:00:55
Jack
Welcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and today we are and I'm with my co-host social of course. And we are in the culture corner and we're talking about what do you do when you meet the parents of your, of your boyfriend or girlfriend for the first time, you know?
00:01:14
Jack
What's the what kind of etiquette do you like behavior? Should you display? What? What should you do? What shouldn't you do so social? Do you have like a list of dos and don'ts?
00:01:24
Jack
For for our our listeners out there who may be like meeting their significant others parents for the first time.
00:01:33
Xochitl
Yeah, I know. I we just had an episode talking about how you can dress like a slob anywhere in America, but a first date and also meeting a parent. Parents are two occasions where I would.
00:01:39
Jack
Yes.
00:01:44
Xochitl
Never do that.
00:01:46
Xochitl
So you want to go and kind of business casual attire, which means a nice dress shirt usually, or a polo. Or it could be a crisp, a clean looking solid color, no logos, no designs well fitted T-shirt and then neutral.
00:01:54
Jack
Yes.
00:02:06
Xochitl
Done.
00:02:07
Xochitl
And a pair of either nice clean, no tears, jeans or a pair of slacks. Kind of casual khaki, black, neutral tone slacks. And you can wear, you know, a pair of clean, crisp white sneakers or some casual dress shoes. Don't.
00:02:19
Jack
Yeah.
00:02:26
Xochitl
Go in as a man wearing like rocks or like sandals. And and if you're a woman, just go in a nice.
00:02:37
Xochitl
Kind of also neutral toned or it can be.
00:02:42
Xochitl
Pattern and it doesn't really have to be a neutral tone, but just kind of a tasteful dress. Nothing too crazy, nothing too extravagant.
00:02:51
Xochitl
Might wear something neutral, might wear something in a light pink or blue or something like that, but just a simple casual floral dress with a little cardigan is and your footwear is also more relaxed. You can wear a pair of clean tennis shoes like white, crisp tennis shoes, a pair of.
00:03:01
Jack
Yeah.
00:03:11
Xochitl
Little sandals if it's hot anything, but just make sure you look presentable.
00:03:18
Xochitl
And that's a big one for.
00:03:21
Xochitl
Looks duos.
00:03:23
Jack
And I'm going to say most of the time we we have an expression. Don't don't judge a book by its cover, but in this situation your, the, your boyfriend or girlfriend's parents are definitely.
00:03:38
Jack
Judging the book by its cover, so make your cover look good.
00:03:40
Xochitl
Yes.
00:03:44
Xochitl
Yeah, want to look.
00:03:44
Jack
Because you are being judged.
00:03:47
Xochitl
Yeah, you want to look presentable. You want to look clean. Clean cut is the phrase we use really often in the US, which means somebody who is, they're, well, shaved, their hair grew.
00:03:57
발표자 3
No.
00:03:57
Jack
Look like me right now is.
00:03:59
Xochitl
Yeah, don't have this crazy beard. Or like, if you're a woman like, you know, do your hair nicely. You don't have it, like, looking really disheveled, show up, clean, fresh, showered, looking simple, easy makeup for women and.
00:04:14
Xochitl
And just keep it really, really simple. Don't over complicate it, but just look nice. And then for other does for cultural and social does, I would say they're gonna ask you questions about yourself. So be prepared to answer questions like what your major in college is what you do for work.
00:04:35
Xochitl
How long you've been working there, questions about what your parents do. They might ask you, oh, you know, what does your dad do? What did your?
00:04:41
Jack
And you what are your ambitions? What are your goals? Yeah.
00:04:45
Xochitl
Yeah. One of your inventions, it's kind of old fashioned to be like. What are your intentions with my daughter back in the day, people did that. But and now I think you can be relaxed. They know that if.
00:04:50
Jack
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well.
00:04:59
Xochitl
You're bringing someone to meet the parents is usually a serious relationship in the US and and so.
00:05:06
Xochitl
You know, don't be too intimidated. Get to know them. Ask them questions about themselves too. What do they do for?
00:05:12
Xochitl
Work and and humor them. They're probably going to tell embarrassing stories about your significant other or show you embarrassing pictures. Just kind of chuckle along. Be a good sport.
00:05:24
Xochitl
Don't get into politics. Don't get into religion.
00:05:27
Jack
Yeah, no politics, no religion for sure. Yeah, avoid that.
00:05:29
Xochitl
Never. Never. If they try to beat you. Like if you're from a different religion or other politics and they try to bait you into a conversation, which means they try to say something to upset you.
00:05:41
Xochitl
Just ignore it and change the subject.
00:05:44
Xochitl
If they keep trying to do it, look at your SO.
00:05:46
발표자
Like.
00:05:48
Jack
Yeah. Get Me Out. Help me out there. Yes.
00:05:49
Xochitl
That, yeah, you don't have any, you know, reason to stay if you're being disrespected. And I know it.
00:05:55
Jack
Right.
00:05:55
Xochitl
Could be but.
00:05:56
Xochitl
Also keep an open mind because a lot of times.
00:05:59
Xochitl
People are going to be meeting you with the best intentions and they're not going to do anything to be intentionally rude, but because you're from two different cultures, they might accidentally offend you. So just keep a an open mind and if you find anything weird or offensive, just ask your significant other about it later.
00:06:15
Jack
Yeah. And go see, listen to our other podcast about table manners, because all those table manners apply.
00:06:22
Jack
You know, again, no slurping, no burping, you know, no chewing loudly with your mouth open, no cursing. Don't swear. Watch your language. OK, some people.
00:06:22
Xochitl
Please.
00:06:34
Xochitl
It's OK to accept a drink because a lot of times they'll offer you a drink. It's OK to say yes if they offer you to drink, but don't get drunk. You know, this is like a one drink of.
00:06:43
Jack
Don't get drunk. Yeah.
00:06:45
Xochitl
There maybe a 2 drink. I would say one just stick to 1 drink. You know you won't get drunk and just stick to that.
00:06:52
Jack
Yeah. And you and most likely you drove there. So you know you, you know, drinking and driving is you know it it might be a test like you know ohh is this person going to drink and drive with my daughter in the car or my you know that that could be another another thing so you know there there could be traps.
00:07:13
Jack
Set for you.
00:07:14
발표자 3
That.
00:07:15
Jack
Don't fall into these traps, you know.
00:07:15
발표자 3
Yeah.
00:07:18
Xochitl
Right. I think it's OK to accept one drink, especially if it will be a while before.
00:07:21
Xochitl
You drive, I think.
00:07:21
Jack
Yeah, yeah, yeah, one like you said. One, it's a one drink affair. It's not a party. It's not a party. It's not a cagar. Yeah.
00:07:25
발표자 3
The one in one? Yeah. Instead of. Don't get lost. Don't.
00:07:34
Xochitl
Compliment do do compliment their home. Say oh you have such a nice home. Bring a gift if you know they drink. You can bring a bottle of wine or you can bring some flowers for them.
00:07:44
Xochitl
Mom, those are two gifts that usually go over well, or you can bring something from your home country, like traditional candy, something like that. So.
00:07:54
Jack
Yeah. Don't show up empty handed. That's terrible. Bring a gift. Yes, that's a good point.
00:07:58
Xochitl
It's a bad match.
00:08:01
Xochitl
And gift and.
00:08:05
Xochitl
Uh.
00:08:07
Xochitl
I guess that's pretty much it. Do a firm handshake. This is if you're a man. This is a really big thing in US culture. When Father offers a hand for a handshake, it has. You have to do a firm handshake. Don't give him a death grip like you're trying to rip his hand off, but don't give him this limp, weak handshake. They won't make a firm handshake.
00:08:12
Jack
Yeah.
00:08:25
Jack
Yeah, we call that the dead fish where your hand is like a dead fish, you know? No, you gotta. You gotta squeeze back. You gotta give a firm handshake back. That's uh, that's important. Yeah.
00:08:26
발표자 3
Thing.
00:08:28
발표자 3
But.
00:08:35
발표자 3
Right.
00:08:38
Xochitl
And if you don't drink, UM, it's OK to say no. Like, if you are a person who doesn't drink and they are free to drink, it's it's OK to be like, Oh no, thanks. I don't drink. That's fine. And if you have any kind of restrictions of your diet because of your religion or your culture or your allergies or whatever, it may be, make sure to let them know ahead of time if you're going to be eating there. So, like, tell your significant other so they can.
00:09:02
Xochitl
Inform their family.
00:09:04
Xochitl
And then you won't have to worry.
00:09:07
Jack
Yeah. Don't let the mom prepare a a huge meal of pulled pork and then you show up and go ohh. By the way, I'm vegan. It's like that should have been told to her a long time before. So.
00:09:14
Xochitl
Right.
00:09:18
Xochitl
Yeah, or I'm Muslim or something. And then they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. And they're embarrassed. You can watch that if you've ever seen twilight the movie, you can watch the scene where she meets Edward.
00:09:20
Jack
Yeah.
00:09:31
Xochitl
Family for the first time. And then she eats before going because she knows they don't eat because they're vampires and they're making this big Italian meal for her and then everyone gets angry. So yeah, just avoid. That's a great example of how to meet the parents because she dresses nicely and they're trying to be polite and everything. So just kind of.
00:09:52
Xochitl
Go with that.
00:09:54
Xochitl
No, not too much PDA.
00:09:57
Xochitl
It's kind, it's inappropriate, so please first time.
00:10:00
Jack
Maybe holding hands about, that's about it. That's the most you do, yeah.
00:10:02
Xochitl
Yeah, holding hands is even like that's that's that's a good level to keep. Only at that you know.
00:10:09
Jack
That's the highest level. Yeah, holding hands.
00:10:11
Xochitl
That's the highest level.
00:10:15
Xochitl
Yeah. And again, just just take it as an opportunity to get to know them. If there's a serious relationship, you'll probably be seeing a lot of their families. So you want to get to know them and complement, Slattery gets everyone places you want to flatter the mother. That's the easiest route.
00:10:28
Jack
Yeah, this is this. Food is amazing. This is delicious. Thank you so much. You know? Yeah.
00:10:29
발표자 3
So.
00:10:34
Xochitl
Have such?
00:10:34
Xochitl
A beautiful home. This food is amazing. You.
00:10:37
Xochitl
Look so young.
00:10:39
Jack
Yeah, you don't wanna. You don't wanna. You don't want to. You don't want to pack it on too thick there or whatever. But.
00:10:40
발표자 3
Look at.
00:10:46
Xochitl
You don't want to be too obvious, like if the lady looks 80, then don't say wow. You look so young. But if she actually looks young, like if she's 15, she looks 35. She's gonna be over the moon to hear that. You know, so don't do the cheesy line. The man walks and he goes. Oh, are you your sister? Please.
00:10:48
발표자
Yeah.
00:10:56
Jack
Yeah.
00:11:06
Xochitl
Don't do that. That's so cheesy.
00:11:06
Jack
Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, that one.
00:11:12
Xochitl
And yeah, just you know, compliment her on her home, her food. Uh, thank them for their generosity at the end.
00:11:19
Xochitl
Of.
00:11:19
Xochitl
The night? Yeah. And try not to overstay your welcome. Be that a reasonable hour.
00:11:25
Jack
That's usually not a problem usually. Usually you want to get out of there as soon as you possibly can, yeah.
00:11:28
발표자 3
There's still.
00:11:31
Xochitl
Yes, you smell good, right? But you know, so, yeah, I think those are the big meeting, the parents dues and don'ts. If it, how does meeting the parents go in your cultures? I'm really curious to know because in the US, once it's a serious relationship.
00:11:46
Xochitl
That's when we progress to meeting the parents. I know in other cultures you might meet them right off the bat. The parents might actually meet each other, and then you'll meet your significant other later. You might not meet the parents at all until the wedding. It just depends on the culture. So we're very interested to know, leave us a comment down below at AZ englishpodcast.com. Shoot us an e-mail at AZ English.
00:12:06
Xochitl
Podcast@gmail.com.
00:12:08
Xochitl
And join the WeChat. What's the group? So you can talk to Jack and I directly and see you guys next.
00:12:12
Xochitl
Time. Bye bye.
00:12:14
Jack
Bye.
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