1851: How to Leave the Mormon Church - Alyssa Grenfell Pt. 2
Jan 12, 2024
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Alyssa Grenfell, author of a book on leaving the Mormon Church, shares her top 10 tips on how to leave Mormonism, including topics such as rebuilding after religion, coming out to family and friends, understanding sexuality and substances, and finding a new community. She also discusses the challenges faced by women who leave the church and the importance of exploring beliefs and values, reclaiming autonomy through body modifications, and embracing personal freedom. The podcast explores the impact of leaving the Mormon Church on relationships and highlights the need for support and education in navigating new experiences.
Alyssa Grenfell's book, 'How to Leave the Mormon Church: An Exmormon’s Guide to Rebuilding After Religion,' provides a comprehensive guide for individuals navigating a faith crisis and considering leaving the Church.
Grenfell emphasizes the need for resources that address the practical aspects and choices individuals face after leaving the Church.
Shifting from relying on external sources for validation or direction, Grenfell encourages individuals to develop their own internal compass and trust their own understanding of what is right for them.
Grenfell encourages individuals to envision their future selves and what will bring them the most fulfillment and happiness when deciding whether to stay in or leave the Mormon Church.
The chapter on sexuality emphasizes the need for education on consent, communication, and an understanding and respect for different sexual orientations and identities.
Rebuilding one's sense of self, exploring and embracing one's sexuality, and pursuing healthy relationships outside of the religious context are crucial after leaving the Mormon Church.
Deep dives
The Importance of a New Book on Leaving the Mormon Church
In this podcast episode, Alyssa Grenfell discusses her new book, How to Leave the Mormon Church, which aims to provide a comprehensive guide for individuals navigating a faith crisis and considering leaving the Church. The book covers a wide range of topics such as dealing with the aftermath of losing faith, coming out to family and friends, exploring sexuality and substances, reconstructing identity, and building a new life outside of Mormonism. Grenfell emphasizes the need for resources that address the practical aspects and choices individuals face after leaving the Church.
Learning to Trust Yourself and Finding your Own Authority
Grenfell highlights the importance of shifting from an external authority figure to trusting oneself when making decisions. She discusses how many individuals leaving the Mormon Church have been trained to seek guidance from church leaders, scriptures, and religious teachings. Grenfell encourages listeners to develop their own internal compass and trust their own understanding of what is right for them, rather than relying on external sources for validation or direction.
Deciding Whether to Stay in or Leave the Mormon Church
Grenfell explores the decision-making process of whether to stay in or leave the Mormon Church. She acknowledges the fear and loss associated with leaving, as individuals often rely on the community, relationships, and structure provided by the Church. Grenfell poses thought-provoking questions to help individuals assess the personal costs and benefits of remaining within the Church. Ultimately, she encourages individuals to envision their future selves and what will bring them the most fulfillment and happiness, recognizing that staying or leaving the Church is a deeply personal decision.
Taking it slow and exploring sexuality
The chapter discusses the importance of taking time to explore sexuality and overcome the shame and stigma associated with it. It emphasizes the need for education on consent, the importance of communication in a relationship, and the need to understand and respect different sexual orientations and identities. The chapter also addresses the harmful teachings of the Mormon Church regarding sex and sexuality, and encourages individuals to embrace their own desires and experiences without guilt or shame.
Education and understanding
The chapter provides a glossary of terms related to sex and sexuality, offering definitions and explanations to help readers better comprehend and communicate about these topics. It emphasizes the importance of learning about different sexual orientations and identities, and highlights the need for a holistic understanding of sexual health and pleasure.
Overcoming stigma and shame
This chapter aims to challenge the harmful teachings and beliefs about sex and sexuality perpetuated by the Mormon Church. It encourages readers to overcome feelings of guilt and shame, and to embrace their own desires and identities. The chapter also offers insights and personal stories from individuals who have navigated their own journeys of self-discovery and acceptance.
Consent and communication
The chapter highlights the significance of consent and open communication in healthy sexual relationships. It emphasizes the importance of discussing sexual boundaries and desires with partners, and suggests ways to foster an environment of respect and understanding. The chapter also addresses common misconceptions surrounding consent and provides guidance on navigating sexual experiences in a responsible and consensual manner.
Exploring the Negative Impact of Duty Sex on Mormon Women
The idea that Mormon women are responsible for fulfilling their husband's sexual desires as a duty is detrimental to both women and their marriages. Treating sex as an obligation hinders the development of a healthy sexual relationship based on mutual pleasure, leading to aversion and disinterest. The pressure of duty or obligation sex contributes to sexless marriages and can contribute to negative behaviors and mental health issues.
Reclaiming Identity after Leaving Mormonism
Leaving the Mormon Church can leave individuals feeling like they have lost their entire identity. Rebuilding one's sense of self is crucial after leaving a religion that heavily influenced all aspects of life. Reclaiming one's body, through acts such as getting piercings or tattoos, allows individuals to assert their autonomy and take ownership of their bodies. This process of rebuilding identity extends to exploring and embracing one's sexuality, recognizing the harmful and limiting teachings of the church, and pursuing healthy relationships and connections outside of the religious context.
Importance of Finding a New Community
Finding a new community is crucial for individuals leaving the Mormon Church. This includes finding supportive ex-Mormon communities, maintaining healthy relationships with church members if possible, and finding non-Mormon communities based on shared interests and hobbies. Community helps combat loneliness and provides opportunities for personal growth.
Becoming Ex-Ex-Mormon
Becoming an ex-Mormon is a process that involves deconstructing one's faith and identity. However, the goal should be to eventually reach a stage of being ex-ex-Mormon, where Mormonism is no longer a central focus or an emotional burden. This stage entails embracing a new life and falling in love with oneself and the world around, free from the influence and control of Mormonism. It's a journey of healing, reconstruction, and personal growth.
Alyssa Grenfell is the author of a brand new book called "How to Leave the Mormon Church: An Exmormon’s Guide to Rebuilding After Religion." Today she will be sharing with us her Top 10 tips on how to leave Mormonism.
