Was I His Love Or Fetish?

13 snips

Jun 10, 2025

This conversation dives into the uncomfortable question of why many Asian women are in relationships with white men. It explores the complexities of love, race, and identity, tackling issues like fetishization and societal expectations. Personal stories highlight the emotional burdens and challenges of intimacy in interracial dynamics. Listeners are invited to reflect on their own experiences and the impact of societal perceptions on relationships. The dialogue encourages curiosity and compassion, creating a safe space for deeper understanding in a nuanced discussion.

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INSIGHT

Oxford Study Is Internet Trolling

The phrase "Oxford study" is a made-up meme trolling Asian women who date white men, aimed at shaming and stripping their complexity.
This reveals racist and misogynistic intent that targets Asian women specifically, not the white men they date.

INSIGHT

Patterns in Asian-White Marriages

Asian women are almost twice as likely to marry white men compared to Asian men, a reality that sparks questions about internalized racism and fetishization.
Michelle MiJung Kim reflects on her own relationships as examples of internalized racism and being fetishized.

INSIGHT

Criticism Flattens Complex Identities

The criticism of Asian women dating white men demands uncomfortable self-reflection and exposes feelings of superiority, inferiority, and a lack of agency.
This critique flattens complex identities into simplistic racial judgments leading to violent shaming.

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Let’s talk about the question that makes everyone squirm: “Why are so many Asian women with white men?”

In this raw and nuanced episode, Michelle MiJung Kim sits down with her longtime friend Christine (a Chinese American woman married to a white man) to unpack the tangled web of desire, race, loneliness, and belonging in interracial relationships—specifically those between Asian women and white men. From TikTok comment wars and the infamous "Oxford Study" to lived experiences of love, shame, fetishization, and survival, no stone is left unturned.

With radical honesty, Michelle shares her own dating history with white men and the uncomfortable questions it forced her to face:

“Am I internalizing racism through who I date?”

“Is love ever just love in a world shaped by white supremacy?”

“And what does it mean to feel seen, held, and understood in an interracial relationship?”

This episode holds space for all the complexities—without flattening anyone’s experience. Whether you’ve been in these relationships, judged them, or questioned your own desires, this conversation invites you to look inward with curiosity and compassion.

ABOUT THE HOST, MICHELLE MIJUNG KIM

Michelle MiJung Kim is one of today’s most compelling voices on courage, complexity, and connection. With a voice that is both precise and expansive, Michelle helps people make sense of their inner worlds and the outer chaos. Through storytelling rooted in emotional honesty, she invites us to confront what’s hard, name what matters, and move through the world with deeper integrity and courage. She is the award-winning author of The Wake Up, a globally recognized speaker, and the producer and host of I Feel That Way Too, a narrative podcast that dares to ask life’s trickiest questions so we can feel less alone—and more alive—together. Whether on stage, on the page, or behind the mic, Michelle’s presence is a mirror and a call to courage—to live our lives more fully, to build resilient relationships, and to believe in the possibility of our personal transformation and collective liberation. Learn more about Michelle at www.michellemijungkim.com and follow her journey on Instagram @michellekimkim.

EPISODE CREDITS

This episode was produced by Geraldine Ah-Sue, Eunice Kwon, and Michelle MiJung Kim. Written by Michelle MiJung Kim and Geraldine Ah-Sue. The sound designer is Katie McMurran. Music by Joyce Kwon, Katie McMurran, and Jiyeon Park. This podcast is brought to you by Asian American Futures.