Sleeping Around

Emily Nagoski on What Happy Couples Know That Others Don’t

Jan 7, 2025

Emily Nagoski, award-winning author and celebrated expert in sex and stress education, joins to unpack the secrets of thriving relationships. She discusses the essential elements for satisfying long-term sexual connections, the ingredients for open communication, and how to navigate personal desires. Emily also delves into the balance between excitement and inhibition in sexual response, while emphasizing the value of pleasure beyond the bedroom. Her insights on self-discovery, mindfulness, and the importance of discussing sexuality openly empower listeners to enhance their intimate relationships.

54:19

Episode guests

Emily Nagoski

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

Thriving couples engage in open discussions about desires and experiences, fostering mutual understanding and enhancing their intimate connection.

Recognizing the dual control model of sexual arousal helps individuals address internal barriers, ultimately improving their sexual satisfaction and experience.

Deep dives

The Importance of Open Communication in Relationships

Couples with thriving sex lives maintain an open dialogue about their desires and experiences. They approach conversations about sex like discussions about shared interests, recognizing that these conversations strengthen their connection. By openly sharing what they enjoy and what they don't, partners foster mutual understanding, reducing pressure and obligation during intimate moments. Ultimately, this creates a nurturing environment where both partners can explore and enjoy their sexual relationship freely.

Intro

4min

From Curiosity to Advocacy

3min

Understanding Sexual Response: The Accelerators and Brakes

13min

Exploring Non-Sexual Pleasure and Body Awareness

5min

Understanding Desire: Mindfulness and Compassion

7min

Embracing Pleasure: Self-Discovery and Connection

18min

Self-Care as a Form of Resistance

3min

This week, Emily Nagoski (THE Emily Nagoski ah) and I explore what makes pleasure thrive in relationships by looking at how we can build stronger, more fulfilling connections.

We also tackle questions like:

What are the ingredients to a satisfying long-term sexual relationship?

What if I don’t know what I like? How to experience pleasure?

Why do couples with great sex lives talk about it so openly?

And THEN in the Patreon extended version, we additionally discuss how to orgasm with a partner and whether or not you can ruin sensation with vibrator over-use. You don’t want to miss this one.

EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and Come Together, as well as The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.

Newsletter: https://emilynagoski.substack.com

Website: https://www.emilynagoski.com/

CAYA, second edition: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316

Burnout: https://www.amazon.com/Burnout-Secret-Unlocking-Stress-Cycle/dp/1984818325/

CAYA Podcast: https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/come-as-you-are

Feminist Survival Project podcast: https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/

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