Kuldrin's Krypt A BDSM 101 Podcast Dominants Bill of Rights and Calling Red-S02E04
Nov 26, 2018
28:48
Recorded and Published: November 26, 2018
Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode of the Krypt I have a fet article and private fet message from a listener about Dom’s using safe words and then I’m going to talk about the Dominants Bill of Rights.
Rules to Love by:
1; Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
https://fetlife.com/users/3949958/posts/4756802 (AMischiefManaged)
"So I was watching a scene in a play space and I heard something I never expected. In the middle of a scene, a Dominant safeworded. He called "red" and said that he'd like to stop.
What I saw next nearly floored me and hasn't sat well since.
The submissive turned around furious and said: "You can't do that, only I can safeword." She went on shouting about how only submissives have that power and that it's not like she's doing anything to him that he has the right to safeword for. After more yelling, she stormed off, leaving him in the middle of the room probably stun shocked at what happened.
I'm not sure what exactly infuriated me most about watching that unfold in front of me. It could have been the total lack of respect or the feeling like she was treating that dominant like some kinky vending machine. That after negotiation, that he somehow owed her to give her what she wanted.
I didn't want to share this moment when I was in the middle of it. I needed time to process, to decompress it all. It's been a good while between then and now and I've been sitting here at my computer, thinking about what happened that night.
Sitting here wondering if this is part of telling people that submissives have all the power, that they can stop a scene whenever they want with a safeword. When in reality both parties have the power to stop a scene if they feel it isn't what they want, if they feel unsafe, or if they simply don't feel like continuing for whatever reason.
Maybe that night, the dominant felt sick, or something triggered inside of him putting him in a really bad space to play with someone else. Maybe he needed a break because of a muscle cramp, injury, or any number of things that would make it a bad idea to continue. Or maybe he just didn't feel like it anymore.
Thinking back to that night, it would have been such a different story if she tried to connect and communicate. To ask him why he felt like he needed to stop. It could have been a beautiful moment, teaching everyone watching how that care and concern flows both ways."
This one came in from a listener who wishes to remain anonymous:
"You have brought up multiple times on your podcast that you have called an end to a scene far more times as the top than the bottoms ever have. I just wanted to reach out and reiterate the importance of this once again.
My sub and I hadn't done much of a scene in the last few months due to schedules. We had done a couple of shorter scenes at parties and we had done lots of rope suspensions recently, but nothing extreme. So, yesterday we set some time aside for "date night" and had negotiated a predicament, impact, and sensation scene.
However, we started the night with a suspension and that suspension didn't go well. She was in pain, but not alluding to where or what despite my asking. She insisted we just push through finish what I was planning and bring her down. The thing was I hadn't actually planned anything for this session. I was going to bring her up and play around with positioning and how the arms and legs were tied. So, I brought her down and did a TK instead of a hands-free harness to take some weight off the ribs which she had vaguely alluded was an issue (she did not state that there were issues with the hip harness at this time). Up she went again with the same problems as there was no communication to fix everything.
I was frustrated and I snapped at her. It was just one sentence and I calmed down after. She left the room to make a call she had scheduled and I cleaned up the rope. When I was done I apologized for my outburst as I was out of line.
She was clearly not in a good headspace at this point and with all my great Domly instincts I knew to check in with her regarding the upcoming scene. I did so. I asked her if she was okay to continue. She assured me she was. I think I even asked a second time. I knew. I could tell she was not in a great place, but it had been a while since we did a scene and she said she was fine so I let her reassurance override my instincts and we proceeded to do the scene.
With my earlier outburst, I had put her into a place of trauma. She was shut down and simply allowing me to do whatever I wanted as is her way in that headspace. Not a healthy place. Not subspace. Not submitting. Enduring the pain to get through. Followed by a walling off.
Now we will get through this and learn and grow but had I trusted my instincts and called red on the scene before it started it would have prevented a lot of emotional pain. As the top, I should have known better especially knowing her as well as I do. She simply is not able to say no at times and I need to be able to be that voice of reason."
The Dominant/submissive Bill of Rights:
1: The right to be treated with respect.
2: The right to be proud of what you are.
3: The right to safety.
4: The right to your emotions and feelings.
5: The right to express those feelings in a safe manner.
6: The right to say NO.
7: The right to expect happiness in life.
8: The right to belong.
9: The right to love and be loved.
10: The right to be healthy.
11: The right to practice safe sex.
A final note or two.
I’d like to thank our Executive Producers Jeremiah, Sihlus, Jess, and ArcaneDgr & violetaurelia. Our Sr. Producers Matt and xEmeraldxWolfx. Our Producers Kainsin, Heather, ThatPlace: Oklahoma City, JayKay and RoxieBear. And our Jr. Producers K-2SO, BuffaloDom84, Painwaits, and Master Ferguson & LxSoumis. If you would like to become one of our show producers go to our website, https://kuldrinskrypt.com/support to get that information.
Second, I’d like to talk BDSM contracts for their donation of their beautiful 25 page soft and hardbound M/s and D/s contracts.. http://bdsmcontracts.org coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
And finally, I’d like to thank http://whippingstripes.com my personal maker of leather and paracord impact toys.
NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA
Next time on The Krypt staying in role without offending the vanillas. In the meantime go to kuldrinskrypt.com for show notes, how to subscribe information, and the link to Fetlife group so you can take part in the conversation and be eligible for giveaways. While you’re there click on support us to become a Patreon supporter.
Contact info:
Email: Sir@kuldrinskrypt.com
Fetlife Group: https://fetlife.com/groups/159275
Fb: Kuldrin Fire https://www.facebook.com/kuldrin.fire
Twitter: @MasterKuldrin https://twitter.com/MasterKuldrin
Instagram: kuldrinfire https://www.instagram.com/kuldrinfire/
Patreon: kuldrinskrypt https://www.patreon.com/KuldrinsKrypt
Paypal: MasterKuldrin http://paypal.me/masterkuldrin
http://kuldrinskrypt.com/contactresource
Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin and Funsize for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth
Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode of the Krypt I have a fet article and private fet message from a listener about Dom’s using safe words and then I’m going to talk about the Dominants Bill of Rights.
Rules to Love by:
1; Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
https://fetlife.com/users/3949958/posts/4756802 (AMischiefManaged)
"So I was watching a scene in a play space and I heard something I never expected. In the middle of a scene, a Dominant safeworded. He called "red" and said that he'd like to stop.
What I saw next nearly floored me and hasn't sat well since.
The submissive turned around furious and said: "You can't do that, only I can safeword." She went on shouting about how only submissives have that power and that it's not like she's doing anything to him that he has the right to safeword for. After more yelling, she stormed off, leaving him in the middle of the room probably stun shocked at what happened.
I'm not sure what exactly infuriated me most about watching that unfold in front of me. It could have been the total lack of respect or the feeling like she was treating that dominant like some kinky vending machine. That after negotiation, that he somehow owed her to give her what she wanted.
I didn't want to share this moment when I was in the middle of it. I needed time to process, to decompress it all. It's been a good while between then and now and I've been sitting here at my computer, thinking about what happened that night.
Sitting here wondering if this is part of telling people that submissives have all the power, that they can stop a scene whenever they want with a safeword. When in reality both parties have the power to stop a scene if they feel it isn't what they want, if they feel unsafe, or if they simply don't feel like continuing for whatever reason.
Maybe that night, the dominant felt sick, or something triggered inside of him putting him in a really bad space to play with someone else. Maybe he needed a break because of a muscle cramp, injury, or any number of things that would make it a bad idea to continue. Or maybe he just didn't feel like it anymore.
Thinking back to that night, it would have been such a different story if she tried to connect and communicate. To ask him why he felt like he needed to stop. It could have been a beautiful moment, teaching everyone watching how that care and concern flows both ways."
This one came in from a listener who wishes to remain anonymous:
"You have brought up multiple times on your podcast that you have called an end to a scene far more times as the top than the bottoms ever have. I just wanted to reach out and reiterate the importance of this once again.
My sub and I hadn't done much of a scene in the last few months due to schedules. We had done a couple of shorter scenes at parties and we had done lots of rope suspensions recently, but nothing extreme. So, yesterday we set some time aside for "date night" and had negotiated a predicament, impact, and sensation scene.
However, we started the night with a suspension and that suspension didn't go well. She was in pain, but not alluding to where or what despite my asking. She insisted we just push through finish what I was planning and bring her down. The thing was I hadn't actually planned anything for this session. I was going to bring her up and play around with positioning and how the arms and legs were tied. So, I brought her down and did a TK instead of a hands-free harness to take some weight off the ribs which she had vaguely alluded was an issue (she did not state that there were issues with the hip harness at this time). Up she went again with the same problems as there was no communication to fix everything.
I was frustrated and I snapped at her. It was just one sentence and I calmed down after. She left the room to make a call she had scheduled and I cleaned up the rope. When I was done I apologized for my outburst as I was out of line.
She was clearly not in a good headspace at this point and with all my great Domly instincts I knew to check in with her regarding the upcoming scene. I did so. I asked her if she was okay to continue. She assured me she was. I think I even asked a second time. I knew. I could tell she was not in a great place, but it had been a while since we did a scene and she said she was fine so I let her reassurance override my instincts and we proceeded to do the scene.
With my earlier outburst, I had put her into a place of trauma. She was shut down and simply allowing me to do whatever I wanted as is her way in that headspace. Not a healthy place. Not subspace. Not submitting. Enduring the pain to get through. Followed by a walling off.
Now we will get through this and learn and grow but had I trusted my instincts and called red on the scene before it started it would have prevented a lot of emotional pain. As the top, I should have known better especially knowing her as well as I do. She simply is not able to say no at times and I need to be able to be that voice of reason."
The Dominant/submissive Bill of Rights:
1: The right to be treated with respect.
2: The right to be proud of what you are.
3: The right to safety.
4: The right to your emotions and feelings.
5: The right to express those feelings in a safe manner.
6: The right to say NO.
7: The right to expect happiness in life.
8: The right to belong.
9: The right to love and be loved.
10: The right to be healthy.
11: The right to practice safe sex.
A final note or two.
I’d like to thank our Executive Producers Jeremiah, Sihlus, Jess, and ArcaneDgr & violetaurelia. Our Sr. Producers Matt and xEmeraldxWolfx. Our Producers Kainsin, Heather, ThatPlace: Oklahoma City, JayKay and RoxieBear. And our Jr. Producers K-2SO, BuffaloDom84, Painwaits, and Master Ferguson & LxSoumis. If you would like to become one of our show producers go to our website, https://kuldrinskrypt.com/support to get that information.
Second, I’d like to talk BDSM contracts for their donation of their beautiful 25 page soft and hardbound M/s and D/s contracts.. http://bdsmcontracts.org coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
And finally, I’d like to thank http://whippingstripes.com my personal maker of leather and paracord impact toys.
NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA
Next time on The Krypt staying in role without offending the vanillas. In the meantime go to kuldrinskrypt.com for show notes, how to subscribe information, and the link to Fetlife group so you can take part in the conversation and be eligible for giveaways. While you’re there click on support us to become a Patreon supporter.
Contact info:
Email: Sir@kuldrinskrypt.com
Fetlife Group: https://fetlife.com/groups/159275
Fb: Kuldrin Fire https://www.facebook.com/kuldrin.fire
Twitter: @MasterKuldrin https://twitter.com/MasterKuldrin
Instagram: kuldrinfire https://www.instagram.com/kuldrinfire/
Patreon: kuldrinskrypt https://www.patreon.com/KuldrinsKrypt
Paypal: MasterKuldrin http://paypal.me/masterkuldrin
http://kuldrinskrypt.com/contactresource
Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin and Funsize for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth