Dr. Joe Kort, a renowned author and expert on gender and male sexuality, dives into the complexities of porn in relationships. He explains why it's not the porn itself that's problematic, but rather the lack of open communication about it. Topics include navigating social media 'stalking,' understanding individual erotic differences, and the emotional impact of pornography on intimacy. Dr. Kort advocates for healthy conversations to address partner fantasies and manage expectations, aiming to foster empathy and understanding in relationships.
Open discussions about pornography and individual erotic differences are vital for preventing misunderstandings and fostering healthier communication in relationships.
Creating a contract around pornography use can enhance transparency and establish clear boundaries, helping couples address feelings of betrayal before they escalate.
Deep dives
The Impact of Pornography on Relationships
Pornography can have complex effects on relationships, often leading to misunderstandings and emotional distress when one partner discovers the other engaging with it. Commonly, this situation arises when a partner finds explicit material that does not align with their own self-image, eliciting feelings of betrayal and inadequacy. This highlights the need for open discussions about erotic differences and mutual agreements on porn consumption, as many couples have not established clear boundaries or conversations around such topics. Addressing these differences can alleviate feelings of shame and encourage healthier communication about individual desires.
Establishing a Pornography Contract
Creating a contract around pornography use in relationships can foster transparency and understanding. Couples are encouraged to discuss their comfort levels with various forms of pornography, including images versus videos, and explore what feels acceptable for both partners. This contract serves as a guideline for expectations, helping to prevent feelings of betrayal by clarifying what is permitted and what crosses the line. Ultimately, it facilitates ongoing discussions about sexual health and mutual satisfaction, encouraging couples to confront uncomfortable topics openly.
Navigating Erotic Differences
Couples often experience conflict when they uncover differing erotic interests, leading to feelings of rejection or inadequacy. Understanding and discussing these differences, rather than reacting with shame or disgust, is crucial for maintaining a strong relationship. It is essential to recognize that being aroused by different content or experiences does not diminish a partner's feelings or the relationship's value. Instead, these discussions can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of each other's desires, allowing partners to explore their sexuality together more openly.
Coping with Jealousy and Social Media
Jealousy can arise in relationships even from seemingly benign activities like scrolling through social media. When one partner feels betrayed by the other’s interest in viewing images of attractive individuals, it often reflects deeper insecurities and societal conditioning regarding body image and affection. Addressing these feelings directly by exploring their roots can help partners overcome misconceptions and foster a deeper connection. Acknowledging that finding someone attractive does not equate to betrayal can lead to healthier discussions about trust and individual sexuality within the relationship.
Have you caught your partner looking at porn? Maybe browsing pictures of scantily clad women or men on Instagram or Facebook? This doesn't need to be an issue in your relationship if you know how to talk and deal with it! Our culture largely creates a negative narrative around these issues that can hurt our relationships. Listen to today's episode to learn how to talk to your partner about porn, social media 'stalking' and your relationship.
Learn why we aren't really facing what some call a 'porn health crisis'.
Understand that it's not the porn, it's the lack of healthy conversations around porn.
Is it OK that your partner is 'stalking' the opposite sex on social media?
Communicating with your partner about their deepest fantasies and where they came from.
The erotic differences between individuals and sexes.
Why porn elicits a disgust response in some individuals.
And much more!
Dr. Joe Kort is the author of four books on gender and male sexuality. He specializes in couples therapy, sex therapy, mixed orientation relationships, and out of control sexual behaviors. He is starting an LGBTQ certification program in the spring.
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Do you want to hear more on this topic? Do you want to talk to your partner about porn? If so, you're not alone. Continue the conversation on our Facebook Group here: Love Tribe
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