Healing Conversations for Men Who Have Sex with Men Is Gay Sex Recovery the Same as Straight Sex Recovery? — Scott Brassart
Scott Brassart is the Director of Content Development at Seeking Integrity and has worked alongside Dr. David for the last two years. As a gay man himself, Scott discusses the prominent drug use in the gay community, the stigma behind sex recovery, the shame, and trauma young LGBTQ members experience, and opens up a conversation on how to develop healthy sexual patterns while in recovery.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:25] Scott shares his story about his struggles with addiction and his journey to sobriety.
[3:15] Does the LGBTQ community have a greater tolerance for drug use than the heterosexual community? The answer is yes, and no.
[6:55] When beginning a journey into sex recovery, it can be very difficult for gay men to get the right treatment. Gay men tend to be sexually liberal and will rebel against anyone trying to control or put boundaries around their sex lives.
[8:50] When Scott got sober, he didn’t know what to do with himself. His addiction was his one and only hobby at that point and he had nothing else in his life.
[11:45] Sex addiction is a bit different than a drug addiction. If you do drugs, you’ve relapsed. If you have sex, you have to treat it more like an eating disorder. You have to learn how to have sex in healthy ways so that you don’t spiral out of control.
[13:35] People in the LGBTQ community experience a lot of shame and this shame can be used as fuel towards unhealthy and addictive behavior.
[16:55] Any child who has been bullied over their sexual orientation holds a lot of shame. This can get compounded and turned into trauma, and that will affect them throughout their adult life.
[19:30] Growing up as a young boy in Indiana, Scott always felt out of place. He had no romantic or sexual development while in school because of how conservative his community was.
[22:25] What are some of the benefits (and disadvantages) of joining a gay-only or gay-friendly group meetings?
[28:15] Like everything else, there are really good therapists and really terrible therapists out there. If you’re curious about seeking help, try a therapist out and see how it feels.
RESOURCES:
QUOTES:
- “Gay and lesbian people have higher rates of addiction than heterosexual people. I think that may be shame-related more than anything else.”
- “If you’ve tried to cut back or quit altogether [with sex] and you failed, and you’ve done that multiple times, you’ve lost control.”
- “If it’s out of control and it’s ruining your life, maybe you should do something about it.”
- “Growing up gay in America, even today is traumatic and early life trauma breeds shame.”