How Julie Understood Herself After Raising an Autistic Child

In this meeting of The Late Diagnosis Club, Dr Angela Kingdon welcomes Julie M. Green, a writer, Autistic mother, and late-identified Autistic woman whose self-recognition unfolded through parenting. Julie’s story begins not with her own diagnosis, but with her son’s. As she learned how to support an Autistic child, she slowly began to recognise familiar patterns in herself — sensory sensitivity, rigidity, perfectionism, chronic illness, and lifelong shyness that had always been framed as personality flaws rather than neurodivergence.

Together, Angela and Julie explore maternal guilt, masking across decades, self- and formal diagnosis, and what changes — and what doesn’t — when you finally have language for your nervous system.

🪑 Attendees

Chair: Dr Angela Kingdon — Author, community-builder, and Autistic advocate

Guest: Julie M. Green — Autistic writer, Author, and mother

You: The Listener!

🗒️ Meeting Agenda

• Opening remarks from the Chair
• Member introduction: Childhood signs without diagnosis
• Discussion: Parenting an autistic child while recognising autism in yourself
• Masking, perfectionism, and decades of mislabeling
• Self-diagnosis, formal diagnosis, and imposter syndrome
• Key learnings
• Club announcements

🧾 Minutes from the Meeting

1️⃣ Opening Remarks

Angela introduces Julie as a member whose story begins in a paediatrician’s office — not for herself, but for her son. What started as advocacy and research quickly became a mirror, reflecting traits Julie had carried since childhood but never had language for.

2️⃣ Member Introduction: Julie’s Story

Julie grew up in the 1970s and 80s as a highly anxious, perfectionistic, and extremely shy child. Changes in routine triggered meltdowns, collections were rigidly organised, and sensory sensitivities shaped daily life — all framed at the time as personality flaws or the result of being an only child.

In school, Julie was quiet, compliant, and high-achieving. Anxiety and perfectionism were invisible to teachers, while internal distress went unnamed.

Years later, as a first-time mother, Julie struggled with sensory overload, shutdowns, and intense guilt. When her son was diagnosed with autism at age three, Julie immersed herself in research — first to support him, and eventually to understand herself.

3️⃣ Discussion Highlights

• Masking and mislabeling: Shyness, rigidity, and perfectionism framed as flaws
• Maternal guilt: Internalising blame for sensory overwhelm and burnout
• Self-recognition: Seeing autistic traits through parenting without immediately claiming identity
• Diagnosis decisions: Self-diagnosis, formal assessment, and imposter syndrome
• Disclosure: Navigating silence, validation, and scepticism from others
• Autistic parenting: Modelling boundaries, regulation, and self-advocacy

4️⃣ Key Learnings

• Autism can become visible through caregiving before self-recognition
• Compliance and quiet achievement often hide distress
• Formal diagnosis may change nothing — and everything
• Self-diagnosis is valid; seeking assessment is a personal choice
• Modelling boundaries is a powerful form of parenting
• Understanding yourself can reduce shame across generations

📌 Notice Board

Link for Julie’s book: Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood, and Radical Acceptance

Julie’s Substack: https://theautisticmom.substack.com/

📣 Club Announcements

🎧 The Late Diagnosis Club is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms.

💬 Join our online meetups and community at latediagnosis.club.

📌 Check the LDC Notice Board for Member Contributions

💜 There is a small charge — but no one is turned away for lack of funds.

🌈 Celebrate autistic voices with early access, ad-free listening, and our full archive at AutisticCulturePlus.com

🌐 Visit www.autisticculturepodcast.com

📲 Follow us on Instagram: @autisticculturepodcast

🎙️ Executive Producers: Amy Burns, Anamaria B Call, Andrew Banner, Anna Goodson, Ashley Apelzin, Audrea Volker, Ben Coulson, Brian Churcek, Cappy Hamper, Carley Biblin, Charlene Deva, Chloe Cross, Clay Duhigg, Clayton Oliver, Danny Dunn, Daria Brown, David Garrido, Emily Burgess, Eric Crane, Erik Stenerud, Fiona Baker, Grace Norman, Helen Shaddock, Jaimie Collins, Jason Killian, Jen Unruh, Jennifer Carpenter, Julia Tretter, Kathie Watson-Gray, Kenneth Knowles, Kira Cotter, Kristine Lang, Kyle Raney, Llew P Williams, Laura Alvarado, Laura De Vito, Laura Provonsha, Lily George, Nelly Darmi, Nigel Rogers, Rachel Miller, Tim Scott, Tyler Kunz, Victoria Steed, Yanina Wood.

🎧 Producers: AJ Knight, Bobby Simon, Da Kovac, Eleanor Collins, Emily Griffiths, Hannah Hughes, Jennifer Kemp, Jonas Fløde, Kate F, Katie N Benitez, Kendra Murphy, Lisa Dennys, Logan Wall, Louise Lomas, Melissa Nance, Nicola Owen, Rebecka Johansson, Sam Morris, Sarah Hannah Morris.

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