179: The Sex Talk You Never Got, with Sam Jolman (Part 2)

"If you can’t be kind to yourself, you can’t change."

– Sam Jolman

Friends,

I’d like to invite you to savor with me a breathtaking excerpt from Sam Jolman’s book as we plumb the depths of the intersection of God’s kindness and our sexual stories: 

We take the risk to call shame what it is: a damn liar. We turn the tables on shame and question it. That starts with getting curious about what provoked it. Maybe it’s lying to you. Maybe love is still available . . . and you can recover a sense of safety. Leaning into vulnerability like that takes immense courage.

If you don’t want to handle your sexual shame with contempt, you must take a risk on love.

Contempt or kindness. That’s it.

What is this kindness stuff? Maybe it invokes an eye roll. Kindness feels too close to niceness . . . but kindness is not niceness. It has more teeth than that. It’s brave with the deep things of life. It looks you right in the face and really sees you with no pretense, with no threat of harm. Can you imagine someone who does not flee from you or metaphorically hit you back, who keeps their heart open and available, but does not flinch from the truth? That is kindness. Someone who can hold the tension of facing reality but still stays openhearted and kind.

Kindness says I can handle you. And I can love you. It’s profound.

Jesus is this incarnate kindness we most desperately need. 

And Jesus is the kindness that we get if we but turn to him with our need.

The Sex Talk You Never Got is brilliant, thorough, and God-breathed. 

I will be recommending it and giving copies as gifts to men (and their wives) I am investing in for decades to come. Grab a copy and immerse yourself in this treasure chest of wisdom, guidance, and hope.

Come along into Part 2 as we reclaim, together, the lover inside of us all. 

For the Kingdom,

Morgan