Courtney Ann Irby, "Guiding God's Marriage: Faith and Social Change in Premarital Counseling" (NYU Press, 2024)
Sep 27, 2024
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Courtney Ann Irby, an author and researcher, dives into the intersections of faith and marriage in her work on premarital counseling. She discusses how religious institutions shape contemporary views on marriage amid social changes. Irby explores the contrast between communal and individualistic perspectives in marriage rhetoric. Highlighting different approaches in Catholic and evangelical counseling, she reveals their unique influences on couples' readiness and emotional dynamics. The conversation sheds light on navigating differences in relationships, emphasizing the importance of open communication.
Premarital counseling significantly shapes young couples' marriage understandings, emphasizing the intersection of faith and practical relationship skills.
Covenant rhetoric within religious communities contrasts secular marriage views, promoting unity and divine expectations as foundational elements of a good marriage.
Distinct differences in Catholic and evangelical counseling highlight divergent emphases on sacramental understanding versus therapeutic processes in preparing couples for marriage.
Deep dives
Premarital Counseling and Religious Influence
Premarital counseling plays a significant role in shaping young couples' understandings of marriage, as many religious institutions emphasize its importance before a wedding. Nearly half of Americans have engaged in this practice, often facilitated by religious clergy, which raises questions about the implications of religious beliefs on marital expectations. The counseling sessions aim to guide couples in navigating their relationships, addressing dynamics such as communication and conflict management. This underscores a critical intersection between faith and practical relationship skills, as religious teachings inform couples about expectations prior to entering marriage.
Covenant Rhetoric in Marriage
Covenant rhetoric serves as a framework through which religious communities understand the concept of a 'good' marriage in comparison to broader societal notions. In essence, this rhetoric distinguishes between secular views of marriage, which can appear more individualistic, and those rooted in divine expectations. Couples are taught that a Christian marriage is one where both partners work together, drawing on belief systems that highlight support, unity, and the sacred nature of the marital bond. This discourse not only guides couples through their marital journey but also reinforces communal identities and values within religious contexts.
Differences in Premarital Counseling Approaches
There are noteworthy differences in how Catholic and evangelical premarital counseling programs operate, as well as in their emphasis on certain topics. Catholic marriage preparation often centers on obtaining sacramental understanding, while evangelical counseling tends to function more as a therapeutic process, helping couples explore their individual identities in relation to marriage. This divergence extends to how topics like sex and finances are discussed, with evangelicals focusing more on sexual attitudes and Catholics emphasizing fiscal responsibility. These contrasting frameworks reflect broader theological and cultural distinctions that shape the experiences and expectations of each group regarding marriage.
Emotional Socialization in Marriage Prep
Emotional socialization is a central focus of premarital counseling, teaching couples to identify and manage their emotional experiences within the context of marriage. This includes discussions on how to feel about significant aspects of the marriage, such as unity and conflict, rather than just logistical or financial management. For instance, counselors encourage couples to articulate their feelings about sex and money in a way that aligns with their religious values rather than simply imparting technical knowledge. The emotional integration of these topics showcases how deeply intertwined individual belief systems are with relational practices in preparing for a lifelong commitment.
Neglected Topics in Counseling Sessions
Despite the thorough coverage of many relationship-oriented skills, certain critical aspects of marriage tend to be overlooked in counseling sessions. Key societal pressures surrounding gender roles, financial responsibilities, and the administrative aspects of marital life—such as legal or state-related concerns—are often absent from discussions. This oversight raises concerns about the ability of couples to prepare holistically for marriage, as they may not be equipped to handle external challenges to their union. Additionally, while couples desire to explore societal expectations and structural pressures, many existing programs still favor introspective and individually focused approaches that may not fully address these realities.
It is well-known that the institution of marriage has changed dramatically in the past few decades. However, very little research has focused on the role of religious institutions in helping couples form and maintain their relationships.
Guiding God's Marriage: Faith and Social Change in Premarital Counseling (NYU Press, 2024) by Dr. Courtney Irby offers an examination of Christian marriage preparation programs, exploring their efforts to stabilise the institution of marriage and highlighting the tension between individualism and community in people’s relational lives. Marriage preparation programs offer a useful lens through which to trace shifts in both religious and family institutions because they set out clear and intentional articulations of marriage ideologies and gendered relationship scripts by faith communities. By documenting the changes in content and practices of Christian premarital education along with its advice regarding what makes a good marriage, the book charts the ways that religious communities have been transformed by and have helped to contribute to the individualization of faith and relationships.
Featuring archival research as well as first hand observations of four marriage preparation courses—two Protestant and two Catholic—along with seventy interviews with participating couples and leaders of these and other programs, the book offers a rare view of visions about how to realise a successful and faith-filled relationship. This examination of marriage classes offers key insight into how religious communities have responded to cultural changes in marriage, gender, sexuality, and intimacy.
This interview was conducted by Dr. Miranda Melcher whose new book focuses on post-conflict military integration, understanding treaty negotiation and implementation in civil war contexts, with qualitative analysis of the Angolan and Mozambican civil wars.
