Living With Depression: The Heartbreak of Missing Who You Used to Be

What does it mean to feel homesick for yourself? Savannah Wall describes depression as being “homesick for the life and the person she used to be.” In this powerful conversation, she opens up about the weight of emptiness, the shame of hiding her symptoms, and the turning point when her husband insisted she seek help.

Savannah’s words capture what many living with depression struggle to explain: the paradox of feeling both heavy and empty, grateful yet hopeless, surrounded by love but unable to feel it. She also shares how treatment, faith, and supportive relationships helped her slowly find light and hope again.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt distant from themselves because of depression — and for the loved ones who want to better understand.

The full article that prompted the episode: https://savannahwallsblog.wordpress.com/2018/12/22/when-youre-homesick-for-all-that-you-were-before-depression/comment-page-3/

Primary Topics Covered:

• The concept of being “homesick” for your pre-depression self
• The physical weight and emotional emptiness of depression
• Why candles, baths, and “quick fixes” don’t work for clinical depression
• Shame, stigma, and hiding symptoms from others
• The role of supportive loved ones in recognizing when help is needed
• Seeking therapy, medication, and faith as part of recovery
• How depression can convince you it will last forever
• Building a personal “toolkit” for coping and preventing relapse
• The power of writing reminders to yourself during well times
• Why it’s okay to not be okay — and the consequences of staying silent

Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction to the episode
 01:00 - Exploring the idea of being “homesick” for your old self
 02:15 - Savannah describes her experience of depression
 03:35 - The physical heaviness of emptiness
 04:00 - Why self-care trends don’t fix clinical depression
 05:40 - Hiding symptoms and making excuses to avoid people
 07:15 - The struggle of gratitude vs hopelessness in depression
 08:32 - Feeling cut off from loved ones despite their support
 08:52 - Waiting for the day depression disappears
 09:19 - Breaking point and turning to self-harm
 09:49 - Husband’s support and decision to seek help
 10:17 - Starting therapy, medication, and healing
 11:37 - Recognizing warning signs of depression earlier
 12:42 - Building a personal depression “toolkit”
 13:01 - Writing reminders to yourself during well periods
 13:57 - Consequences of hiding depression too long
 15:34 - How hearing others share inspired someone else to seek help
 16:11 - Depression’s lies and the truth that healing is possible
 17:21 - The importance of supportive loved ones in recovery
 18:20 - Closing reflections and hopeful takeaway

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