Caregiving Basics: Talking Boundaries and Family with Drs. Julia Mayer and Barry Jacobs, Ep. 140

In this episode, Dr. Jay talks with Drs. Barry Jacobs and Julia Mayer — co-authors of The AARP Caregiver Answer Book — about what it really takes to be a caregiver, why setting boundaries matters, and how to make caregiving more manageable for everyone involved. Together, they share real-life stories, cultural tensions, and practical strategies for planning ahead and staying sane.

We'll cover:

•  [02:11] Recognizing when caregiving becomes your responsibility
•  [06:26] How to start the conversation before a crisis hits
•  [09:54] Setting boundaries based on your capacity, not just expectation
•  [17:06] What dementia caregiving looks like in real life
•  [20:04] How burnout sneaks up and what you can do about it
•  [23:10] What needs to change in our system to actually support caregivers

Mentioned in this episode:

• The AARP Caregiver Answer Book: https://www.guilford.com/books/The-AARP-Caregiver-Answer-Book/Jacobs-Mayer/9781462549498 
• Schedule your Childfree Wealth Checkup: https://childfreewealth.com/schedule-a-checkup/

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About Drs. Julia Mayer and Barry Jacobs:

Barry J. Jacobs, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist, family therapist, and a Principal at Health Management Associates, a national health care consulting firm. A former magazine journalist, he authored The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers (Guilford, 2006) and coauthored with his wife, Julia L. Mayer, PsyD, AARP Meditations for Caregivers (Hachette, 2016), AARP Love and Meaning After 50 (Hachette, 2020), and The AARP Caregiver Answer Book (Guilford, 2025).

Julia L. Mayer, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Media, Pennsylvania. For over three decades, she has specialized in helping women in caregiving roles, troubled marriages, and those with past sexual trauma. She is the author of A Fleeting State of Mind (2014) and coauthor of AARP Meditations for Caregivers and AARP Love and Meaning After 50. A past president of PSCP—The Psych

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