110. The Nature of the Beast of Gender Ideology + Grace as the Antidote in a World of Pain

Today’s episode is unlike any other. Although I had an entirely different episode planned, something came up recently that needed to be addressed. I said something on social media that hit a nerve for a lot of anguished people, namely, ROGD parents — ironically, the population I am most focused on addressing, and typically have great relationships with in the markedly different context of personal consulting. But this wasn’t consulting; it was the social media platform X, where misunderstandings and pile-ons abound while tone and context are in short supply. In turn, the reaction of people who felt hurt left me feeling quite hurt as well. 

I spent two days intensively processing what happened and discussing it with trusted advisers. This episode is the result of that processing, and it is probably the most vulnerable thing I will ever express to the public. I ask that anyone impacted by the recent drama take the time to listen. I hope it will also be of value to others interested in how to help families impacted by the gender crisis.

If you were one of the people who felt hurt by what I said on the internet, or perhaps questioned how you should feel about it, please consider what I have to say with an open heart and mind by listening to this message in full. It may resonate in unexpected ways. In an effort to address the ocean of pain inflicted by gender ideology and the ripple effects of brushing up against them, I illuminated aspects of the nature of the beast we are up against, and addressed several interconnected matters many of us have been feeling for a while but perhaps not put words to. Along the way, I addressed matters of grief and anguish; shame and blame; victim/rescuer/perpetrator dynamics; good and evil; idealization and devaluation; and what happens when society is overtaken by a dark force that raises the stakes of our smallest foibles into life-and-death matters. Finally, I suggest a way forward that restores innocence through grace and redemption.

Although I am not normally in the habit of posting videos of myself crying on the internet, on this occasion, it felt important to share my innermost experience with you as I face the heart of the beast that is hurting us all. I invite you to grieve with me. For a fuller experience including body language, you may wish to view this episode as a video on YouTube.

If you don’t want to spend an hour of your time this way, I only ask that you be willing to withhold judgment and refrain from making comments to disparage my reputation, since you are making the choice not to take into consideration what I have to say. That’s a fair request, and I would certainly do the same for you.

Likewise, if you have made critical remarks of me to others, or on social media, but you do take the time to hear me out, and you do end up feeling differently after this, I would appreciate you following up and sharing with those people how this episode impacted your perspective. Again, I would do the same for you. 

In case you’re wondering: the hurt and drama surrounding these events caused me to delete the tweets in question, temporarily lock my account, and stop looking at it for a few days. While I thought I screenshotted everything, all I am left with when I look is screenshots of hurtful comments left by others, so I actually find myself without a record of what I originally said. Some people may have taken my choices to delete the tweets, lock my account, and/or ignore social media for a few days to mean something in particular, but my choices meant only that I needed a break from all of it to collect myself. What I have to say is contained in this episode when listened to as a whole.

No timestamps, no ads, no “where to find me,” no outro today. 

To support this show, please leave a rating & review on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe, like, comment & share via my YouTube channel. Or recommend this to a friend!

Learn more about Do No Harm.

Take $200 off your EightSleep Pod Pro Cover with code SOMETHERAPIST at EightSleep.com.

Take 20% off all superfood beverages with code SOMETHERAPIST at Organifi.

Check out my shop for book recommendations + wellness products.

Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.

Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.

Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care (our medical ethics documentary, formerly known as Affirmation Generation). Stream the film or purchase a DVD. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order. Follow us on X @2022affirmation or Instagram at @affirmationgeneration.

Have a question for me? Looking to go deeper and discuss these ideas with other listeners? Join my Locals community! Members get to ask questions I will respond to in exclusive, members-only livestreams, post questions for upcoming guests to answer, plus other perks TBD.