Why Kids Lie: What’s Normal, What’s Not, and What to Do

Margaret and Amy discuss the surprisingly normal reasons kids lie—and why it’s not always a sign of bad behavior.

From toddlers covered in cake who swear they didn’t eat it, to teens who “forget” to mention that party in the woods, we unpack how lying is often a developmental milestone, not a moral failure.

We discuss:

• When kids first start lying—and what brain developments make it possible
• The role of theory of mind and executive function in fibbing
• How to tell the difference between a harmless whopper and something more concerning
• Why habitual lying could point to deeper issues—and how to address them without shame
• The importance of “truth checks,” “consequence resets,” and staying on the same side of the net as your kid

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Jennifer Soong for WebMD: 8 Mistakes Parents Make With Preschoolers Beth Arky for childmind.org: Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It
• Harold S. Koplewicz, MD for childmind.org: When should you get help for a child who’s a habitual liar?
• Sarah Gonser for Parents: A Parent's Guide to Lying and Age-Appropriate Consequences Xiao Pan Ding et al for Hangzhou College of Preschool Education: Theory-of-Mind Training Causes Honest Young Children to Lie
• Susan Pinker for Wall Street Journal: Children’s Lies Are a Sign of Cognitive Progress
• Zawn Villines for Good Therapy: Why Do Children Lie? Normal, Compulsive, and Pathological Lying in Kids
• Our Fresh Take with Harold Koplewicz

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