254: The Invisible Load: Leadership Shouldn’t Cost Your Wellbeing

Are you doing everything “right” at work—and still being told it’s not enough?

If you're constantly overdelivering but still feel like you're falling short, you're not alone. For women in leadership—especially in tech—there’s often a hidden, unspoken weight we carry: the emotional labor, the expectations to nurture, lead, represent, and accommodate. This invisible workload isn't part of your job description, but it shapes how you lead, how you’re perceived, and how your executive presence is judged.

Let’s talk about what that invisible load really is—and why it’s quietly holding you back!

In this episode, I unpack the unseen pressures women leaders face and explore how this hidden weight contributes to burnout, self-doubt, and feeling like you’re always behind—no matter how hard you work. From unspoken DEI expectations to caregiving responsibilities and the pressure to be a role model, I break down why this load exists, how to recognize it, and most importantly—how to lighten it.

“It isn't that you have to work harder…it’s that you're carrying too much of the stuff that isn't getting you recognized.” — Toni Collis

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• What the “invisible load” is and how it shows up in leadership roles
• Why emotional labor and societal expectations disproportionately affect women in tech
• How systemic bias fuels the pressure to go above and beyond—and why that’s not always the right strategy
• A VP of Engineering’s real-life example of navigating the invisible load
• 5 key reasons this unspoken burden exists
• Why self-care for leaders isn’t optional—it’s essential for sustainable, effective leadership
• 6 practical strategies to lighten your load and reclaim your time, energy, and focus
• How to recognize if you're doing the right things—not just more things

 

Ready to stop over-functioning and start leading sustainably?

After listening, take a moment to reflect: What are you carrying that’s not actually yours to hold? Then, share this episode with another woman leader who needs to hear this—because you’re not alone in this. Let’s help each other lighten the load.

**Useful links**

• If you are ready to uplevel your career, get unstuck or you are simply ready to unlock those leadership time-management techniques then join us in my monthly career & leadership coaching program exclusively for women in tech: https://www.tonicollis.com/academy 
• Catch the show notes, and more details about today's episode here: https://tonicollis.com/episode254 
• Check us out on Youtube.
• Join the Leading Women in Tech community in Slack where we discuss all-the-things for women’s tech leadership, covering everything from early-career leadership to C-level executives.