What Women Really Mean - Tania Reynolds | Maiden Mother Matriarch 101
Aug 4, 2024
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Tania Reynolds, an Assistant Professor of psychology at the University of New Mexico, dives into the fascinating world of female friendships. She explores what women truly seek in friendships and the intricate balance of support and competition among them. The discussion also touches on how societal pressures shape women's choices and dynamics. From the impact of pregnancy on relationships to the subtleties of women's communication, Reynolds unpacks the complexities of female connections in a way that's both enlightening and engaging.
Women prioritize kindness and loyalty in friendships, deeply valuing emotional support during vulnerable times, especially in historical contexts.
Pregnant women engage in 'social nesting' behaviors, favoring agreeable companions to foster a secure environment that benefits both mother and child.
Deep dives
The Nature of Female Friendships
Women often seek kindness, loyalty, and interpersonal devotion in their friendships. Research indicates that women are particularly distressed when friends fail to demonstrate these qualities, such as remembering important events like birthdays or being supportive during tough times. This desire for loyal and kind friends may be rooted in historical contexts where women relied on each other for support after marriage, often in patrilocal societies. This framework emphasizes the need for friendships that offer emotional security and social stability, reflecting evolutionary strategies that prioritized reciprocal altruism among female peers.
The Impact of Pregnancy on Social Bonds
Pregnant women tend to engage in 'social nesting,' cultivating close relationships with supportive friends during this vulnerable period. This instinctual behavior is thought to prepare a safe environment for both the mother and her infant, as strong social ties can provide essential support. Social nesting manifests as a heightened preference for agreeable companions, indicating that women may distance themselves from those who are less reliable or more likely to engage in conflict. This aligns with the idea that pregnant women seek comfort and familiarity rather than potential sources of stress or aggression.
Dynamics of Competition in Polygamous Societies
In polygamous societies, competition among co-wives can become intense, influencing family dynamics and child wellbeing. Research shows that co-wives often engage in backstabbing and conflict over resources and attention from their shared partner, potentially leading to a competitive environment detrimental to children’s survival. Although cooperative relationships can form when there are age differences among co-wives, underlying aggression often persists as women vie for status and support. This rivalry can perpetuate displays of indirect aggression, where women undermine each other while maintaining a façade of innocence.
The Role of Physical Appearance in Female Relationships
Women often select friends based on shared physical traits, such as attractiveness and body mass index (BMI), which can influence social dynamics and perceptions of rivalry. Studies suggest that women are less likely to form close friendships if there are significant discrepancies in attractiveness, as this can create feelings of competition. The desire to maintain social status while navigating friendships may lead women to alter their appearances strategically, balancing between appealing to male attention and not posing a threat to female peers. This reflects an ongoing tension women face in presenting themselves attractively while also fostering supportive, non-competitive relationships with other women.
My guest today is Tania Reynolds, Assistant Professor of psychology at the University of New Mexico. We started off by speaking about one of Tania's main areas of interest: female friendships. What do women look for in a potential friend? How do women both support and undermine other women? And why do they prefer friends who are less beautiful than them…
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