REPLAY #45: You Need to Set Boundaries

I have been at a client’s conference all week, so I wanted to share a previous episode that I hope you find it valuable. I originally recorded this episode in February 2020, but it’s definitely relevant today—we all need reminders from time to time on the importance of setting boundaries in your personal and work life. 

In this episode, I aim to give you a mix of a pep talk, tactical advice on how to set boundaries, and actual language on what to say to people. I hope you find it helpful. 

For the most part, I have figured out how to set boundaries. But I also admit I was quite lucky that when I started my freelance business, my family and friends understood that I was actually working throughout the day and that this wasn’t some hobby. I know some of you are not so lucky and have people occasionally bugging you to help them out with things or hang out with them during the day because you “of course you can’t be working.”

Boundaries tell you and those around you what is acceptable, appropriate human behavior. They vary from person to person. Knowing what your boundaries are and setting them is critical to building healthy, respectful relationships in your life. This is important in both your personal life—setting boundaries with your partner, your family, your friends, and even your neighbors—as well as in your freelance business—with clients, colleagues, and subcontractors.

I want to talk about setting boundaries in your personal life first. An article on PsychCentral.com called people who break your boundaries “emotional manipulators,” a phrase I like because if you think of them as manipulating you, maybe you’ll see how wrong and invasive they are being. The article suggests setting boundaries by first writing down the ways that people in your life are hurting you by the things they say.

Then, consider what the other person’s motivation might be and begin to write down answers to specific comments.

I think it’s important to not only know what you’ll say next time, but also know how to cut the conversation short. You shouldn’t be dragged into a 15-minute conversation in which you’re being forced to explain your life choices.

When you’re figuring out what to say, remember what their motivations might be. That will help you develop a script. 

The PsychCentral.com article also makes a couple more recommendations that I think are really helpful to keep in mind. It says “Remember the importance of saying ‘no’ to unreasonable requests, and reasonable ones from time to time, if they conflict with your plans.” Saying no is huge! 

I know all of this is really hard. I don’t expect you to get it perfect all the time, and I’m not an expert or a therapist. But I want you to succeed in your business and in your life. I think it’s really important for people—women especially—to learn how to speak up for ourselves, stand up for our own lives, and tell people to stop.

Next, let’s talk about boundary setting when it comes to your freelance business. For some of you, this needs to start with a mindset shift that you are a freelance business owner. You’re not freelancing on a whim, this is not a hobby, and you’re not “just” a freelancer. You own a freelance business.

I think something happens in our brains when we start to think of ourselves as business owners. I firmly believe it builds confidence. You’re not just hustling from one gig to the next. You’re not just taking whatever job you’re offered. You’re not taking whatever fee you’re offered.

When you’re setting boundaries in your business, again, make a list of what boundaries clients and colleagues are breaking. A few big ones expect you to reply after hours, creating scope creep in projects, and you to reply on vacation.

It is up to you to set boundaries with your clients. One of the biggest boundaries you can set right now, if you haven’t already, is to create office hours for yourself. When do you want to work? Be creative! If you’re not a morning person and your peak productivity time is at night, take advantage of that.

Once you’ve set office hours, what other boundaries do you want to set? What is annoying you, getting in the way of your work? Evaluate your days and how you work and where you work. 

Biz Bite: Create templates

The Bookshelf: “Midnight in Chernobyl: The Untold Story of the World’s Greatest Nuclear Disaster” by Adam Higginbotham

Resources:

PsychCentral.com article “The Importance of Personal Boundaries”

Episode #1 of Deliberate Freelancer: Change Your Mindset: You Own a Freelance BusinessEpisode #36 of Deliberate Freelancer: Spotting Red Flags and Scope Creep