Suicide Loss and Grief: How to Cope with Guilt, Anger, and Shame

What makes grief after suicide different from other types of loss?

In this powerful episode, suicide prevention advocate Mettie Spiess shares her lived experience of losing not one, but two brothers to suicide. She describes the unique grief that follows — the heavy mix of guilt, shame, and anger — and how she eventually found a path toward understanding and healing.

Mettie’s story helps us better understand what survivors of suicide loss go through and why compassion, conversation, and rejecting stigma matter so deeply. Her courage to speak out reminds us that while suicide and depression lie, hope and healing are always possible.

Primary Topics Covered:

• Mettie’s childhood experience with suicidal thoughts
• Losing her first brother, Ronnie, to suicide at age nine
• Decades later, losing her second brother, Eddie, to suicide
• The “unique grief” of suicide loss: shame, guilt, and anger
• Why survivors often feel judged or blamed by their communities
• Understanding suicide not as a choice, but when pain exceeds coping resources
• The lies depression tells and how they distort reality
• The importance of language: why we should not say “commit suicide”
• Questions not to ask suicide loss survivors (“How did they do it?” “Was there a note?”)
• Finding relief, healing, and purpose through advocacy and support

Timestamps:

00:00 – Introduction  
01:05 – Mettie’s unique experience with mental illness and suicidal loss  
01:41 – Suicidal thoughts as a child; losing her brother Ronnie  
02:29 – Growing up in the aftermath of suicide loss  
03:11 – Years later: the devastating loss of her second brother Eddie  
03:57 – Rock bottom and cycling through depression and hypomania  
04:51 – The three unique aspects of suicide grief: shame, guilt, anger  
05:33 – Living in the “what-if prison” of survivor’s guilt  
06:05 – Anger at both the loved one and the community’s judgment  
06:45 – Suicide as pain exceeding coping resources  
07:54 – Understanding the suicidal mind and finding relief in empathy  
08:36 – Dispelling the myth that suicide is selfish  
09:04 – The importance of respectful language around suicide  
09:47 – Suicide loss: questions not to ask survivors  
10:11 – Talking openly as the first step to healing  
10:41 – Mettie’s work with HopeHeroesUnite.com  
10:55 – Closing reflections on grief, stigma, and hope  

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