West Point Mormon Questions Church & Military Service - Austin Wheeler | Ep. 1987
Jan 27, 2025
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Austin Wheeler, a U.S. Army veteran with over six years of service, shares his transformative journey through Mormonism and military culture. He discusses the trauma of navigating the toxic elements of both the military and the church, particularly the influences of violence and masculinity. Austin reflects on the emotional struggles of identity and purpose shaped by these experiences. He also addresses the implications of faith loss and the impact of militarism within religious contexts, ultimately seeking personal meaning beyond disillusionment.
Austin Wheeler's upbringing in a strong Mormon family profoundly shaped his beliefs about violence, masculinity, and personal identity.
The trauma Austin faced during childhood, including parental divorce and abuse, significantly impacted his relationship with the church and self-worth.
His military service, influenced by a desire for structure and duty, led him to confront the toxic elements embedded in both Mormonism and military culture.
Returning early from his mission due to health issues prompted Austin to question his faith and the elevated expectations of his community.
Austin's journey of self-discovery involved redefining his values away from rigid doctrines and focusing on love, connection, and personal happiness.
Through building supportive communities that embrace vulnerability, Austin found healing while advocating against injustice and complacency within both the church and military.
Deep dives
Military Service and Mormonism
Austin Wheeler shares his unique perspective as someone who served in the military while maintaining a connection to the Mormon faith. He discusses the dichotomy of being a Mormon and a soldier, examining the ongoing themes of violence and nationalism within both identities. Discussions around Christian nationalism and how it intertwines with military culture reflect the expectations placed on individuals to embody values rooted in both organizations. Austin highlights how being on the battlefield can create a warped justification for aggression, stemming from teachings in the Book of Mormon.
Early Life and Faith Formation
Austin's early life was deeply influenced by his family's strong Mormon faith, which shaped his beliefs and values from a young age. Growing up in Southern California, he describes an environment saturated with orthodox practices, including regular participation in church activities and scriptural studies. Amidst these formative experiences, his family's unique history, marked by a convert grandmother and a Colombian mother, provided a rich context for understanding faith and identity. His childhood experiences, including the trauma of parental divorce, began his journey into grappling with personal beliefs and pressures from the church.
Trauma and Abuse
Throughout his youth, Austin faced significant trauma, including sexual abuse at the age of ten, which deeply impacted his relationship with himself and with the church. He discusses how this experience led him to internalize feelings of guilt and shame, often connecting those feelings to his faith. As a young man in a high-demand religious environment, he struggled with his identity and self-worth, leading him to seek solace and validation in church orthodoxy. The assault, paired with the divorce of his parents, created a profound internal conflict as he tried to reconcile his experiences with the teachings of the church.
Military Journey and Identity
Austin's decision to enlist in the military was influenced by his upbringing, desire for structure, and a sense of duty. His time at West Point was marked by rigorous training and a commitment to the military ethos, which emphasized honor and service. However, his experience was marred by repeated injuries and health issues, including an H. pylori infection that complicated his military career. Despite these challenges, he remained dedicated to serving and believed that fulfilling his military obligation was a pathway to honor and purpose.
Journey of Faith
The intersection of Austin's military service and Mormon faith presented complex challenges as he navigated personal belief and institutional expectations. His experience serving a mission introduced significant questions about the nature of faith, worthiness, and personal struggles. Returning from his mission early due to health issues left him feeling disillusioned and disconnected from both the military and the church. This period prompted difficult conversations with church leaders about his worthiness and forced him to confront the elevated expectations placed upon him by the community.
Confronting Nihilism
As Austin grappled with the fallout from his experiences, he frequently confronted feelings of nihilism, reflecting on the perceived meaninglessness of life post-church. He initially struggled to find meaning outside traditional frameworks provided by the church and military structure. However, eventually, he began to embrace a more nuanced understanding of existence, focusing on love and connection rather than obligation and rigidity. By giving himself permission to redefine his values and prioritize personal happiness, Austin found empowerment in his journey of self-discovery.
Rebuilding After Disillusion
In the aftermath of disillusionment with both the military and church, Austin focused on rebuilding his identity and faith. He shares how marrying his supportive wife catalyzed a new chapter, encouraging him to engage critically with his past while allowing space for healing. Recognizing the value of open discussions about trauma and vulnerability contributed to a deeper understanding of his journey and the importance of compassionate relationships. This transformation not only shifted his perspective on faith but also fostered personal growth, leading him to support others in similar situations.
The Role of Support and Community
Austin's recovery and journey involved finding supportive communities that embraced vulnerability and emotional healing. His experiences within the military and Mormonism revealed the importance of structure, but he ultimately sought connection beyond those identities. He remarked on the significance of surrounding oneself with people who understand trauma and the need for acceptance in difficult times. By prioritizing building healthy relationships, Austin began to forge a new path that honored his past while allowing for growth and transformation.
Navigating Health Challenges
Austin's health journey was fraught with complications stemming from undiagnosed illnesses and surgeries that left him vulnerable and questioning. He underwent numerous medical interventions, including surgery for a ruptured spleen and recovery from severe reactions to medications. Despite his significant health challenges, Austin remained committed to seeking answers and refused to let physical setbacks determine his worth or identity. He learned to advocate for himself within medical spaces, challenging the stigma around seeking help as a veteran.
Mormonism and Complacency
Austin critiques the complacent attitudes within Mormonism regarding injustice and societal issues, particularly the normalization of abusive practices. He reflects on how the culture often prioritizes obedience to authority over moral accountability, creating an environment ripe for manipulation. His experiences within the church led him to realize that unquestioning faith can perpetuate harm and disenfranchisement. This realization initiated a desire to speak out against injustices and challenge the status quo, fostering a greater commitment to personal ethics.
Looking Ahead
As Austin continues on his path to healing and self-discovery, he embraces the complexity of his identities and the lessons learned from his experiences. He recognizes the importance of ongoing dialogues about trauma, mental health, and deconstruction in the context of organized religion and military culture. His journey exemplifies the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity and the potential for growth outside prescribed narratives. Through personal reflection and connection to supportive communities, Austin remains optimistic about the future and the opportunities it holds.
Austin Wheeler shares his personal journey navigating Mormonism, military culture, and faith deconstruction. He recounts growing up in the church, his early experiences with trauma, and how Mormonism influenced his views on violence and masculinity. After a series of life events—ranging from military service at West Point to his mission in Taiwan—he confronts the toxic elements of both the military and the church, including dehumanization and harmful beliefs. Ultimately, he reflects on how his experiences shaped his disillusionment with Mormonism, his struggles with identity, and the deep questions about purpose and meaning that arose as a result.
Show Notes: https://www.mormonstories.org/questioning-mormon-and-military-service/
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