Recovering Evangelicals

#127 – Rachel’s spiritual journey

Jul 21, 2023

01:03:18

A traumatic experience while serving in a church led to a complete deconstruction of her Christian faith: she’s still “a hopeful Christian agnostic” who finds Jesus’ message “beautiful and life-giving”

Another one of our listeners tells her story. Rachel Sanders also grew up in a conservative Evangelical home, and went to a Southern Baptist church, but it was her years in Christian elementary, middle and high schools, and then a Christian college which really instilled in her a Fundamentalist Christian worldview. For a couple decades, she was quite comfortable in that faith system; doubts and questions rumbled in the distance, but she was able to keep the cognitive dissonance suppressed. Until she and her partner began ministry work in a church out of state. An escalating series of clashes and confrontations with members of the congregation and the pastor led them to not only leave that church, but then triggered a full theological deconstruction. That storm shipwrecked her faith! She now calls herself a “hopeful Christian agnostic,” because she still finds the message of Christ to be beautiful and life-giving. But for now, returning to a church, even as just a pew-warmer, is out of the question.

Some of the points we talked about with Rachel include:

parents were divorced from her earliest memory
step father had been a Baptist minister, but his ordination was removed because he married a divorcee
grew up in a large Southern Baptist church; very conservative;
attended a Fundamentalist Christian elementary school, and then private Christian high school; Bible classes taught them Young Earth Creationism, Purity Culture; evolution is a “theory without much evidence”;
“accepted Jesus into her life” at age of five …. “did I understand what Jesus was saving me from, I don’t know”; fully embraced her early Christian Faith; happy to have a guidebook for her life
her faith was purely intellectual during elementary school years, but more on an emotional level when in her teens; the lack of emotional investment prompted a crisis-of-faith
huge personal impact of a missions trip to Haiti
went to Asbury College (recently in the news for its “revival”), where she developed a Wesleyan tradition
the “slippery slope” … “well, if this part of the Bible isn’t “true”, then what about that part?”
was not taught about a literal/historical Adam and Eve, but isn’t sure what they did with Original Sin
has long been conflicted with their teaching about hell; wondered “what’s the point of Christianity if there is no hell?”
“the sermon-cycle of shame and regret” and “thought-terminating cliches”
her deconstruction process was catalyzed/accelerated by the political unrest of the past few years
for years, got comfortable with cognitive dissonance over theological problems; but abuse and betrayal by her church community tipped her over the edge
a traumatic experience with a senior church ministry leader crystallized the ending of her faith; she and her partner left church behind them
connected on-line with other people who had been hurt by the church, and that fueled the deconstruction of her theology
still looking for a church that hasn’t weaponized the Bible
still holds a faith in a creative Life Force … calls herself “a hopeful agnostic Christian”; still attracted to Christ, and his message
Scott asks if nihilism is the next step
the label “Evangelical” has been hijacked, and we need to recover its original meaning
Christianity is so much more broadly based than just “Evangelical” Christianity; need to explore its full dimensions before rejecting the whole theology
it’s OK to not know … there’s freedom in mystery