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The podcast features a discussion with Ross Martin, who served in the Army as a Ranger. He shares his experiences within both the military and the Mormon faith, highlighting the intersection of these two aspects of his life. Ross expresses a desire to share his story in hopes that his family and posterity will understand the motivations behind his actions. He reflects on the significance of his upbringing and the foundational role of his Mormon heritage in shaping his identity.
Ross recounts the history of his family, beginning with his ancestor Moses Martin who immigrated to the U.S. in 1848. He narrates the family's early connection to the Mormon church and their settlement in Idaho, contrasting this with the Willie and Martin Handcart Company. Ross's family lineage is steeped in multi-generational Mormon tradition. He reveals that growing up, he learned about his ancestors’ faith, which laid the foundation for his personal beliefs.
Ross shares a memorable story from his parents' early relationship, emphasizing the serendipity of love and family. He describes the mischief of his father and the impact of divorce on his upbringing. Despite the family struggles, there was a strong connection to religion through his extended family, which influenced his upbringing. This combination of experiences fostered a sense of belonging and identity rooted in the Mormon faith.
Growing up in Blackfoot, Idaho, Ross had a minimal church attendance due to his parents' wavering commitment. Nonetheless, he recalls impactful moments of kindness from the church community during challenging times. He was baptized at eight and started attending more frequently in his later childhood. Ross reflects on the chaotic family life that shaped his relationship with the church, providing him with a sense of structure amidst tumult.
During his teenage years, Ross struggled with feelings of inadequacy and guilt related to self-gratification. This emotional turmoil was compounded by his religious beliefs, which labeled such behavior as sinful. Despite this, he sought solace within the church. Eventually, he found a sense of belonging through church activities and those who uplifted him despite his challenges.
Inspired by a desire to protect the church and serve as a defender of values, Ross enlisted in the military as a soldier. He perceived military service through the lens of spirituality and sought to fulfill a divine purpose amid a world of uncertainties. His military commitments provided an opportunity for personal growth and a fulfillment of the values instilled in him by his Mormon upbringing. This decision symbolized not only a commitment to his country but also a dedication to being a protector of his faith.
Ross reflects on the rigorous training he underwent as a Ranger, characterizing it as both a physical and mental test. He recalls the adrenaline and camaraderie felt during training sessions, which were juxtaposed against the demands of military protocol. His deployment to Afghanistan was filled with momentous experiences that further shaped his understanding of war and manhood. Ross describes the complexity of emotions as he reconciled his beliefs with the harsh realities of combat.
Following his time in combat, Ross faced the emotional aftermath of war that haunted him, particularly regarding the lives he impacted. He recounts the guilt and shame stemming from having taken lives in the line of duty, which contrasted starkly with his spiritual ideals. This internal struggle manifested as he grappled with the weight of his actions in connection with his identity as a protector. Ross discovered that the traumas intertwined with his military service continually shaped his perspective on life and death.
Amid the backdrop of military life and deployment, Ross faced profound personal loss. He shares the tragedy of losing his brother, an event that plunged him into deep mourning. During this trying period, Ross reflected on his commitments as a father and husband while dealing with grief's complexities. The journey of loss compelled him to confront his beliefs about faith, redemption, and the purpose of life beyond his military service.
In searching for solace, Ross embraced spirituality and sought reaffirmation of his beliefs in a higher power. He experienced a pivotal moment when his wife received a divine message from his deceased brother, providing him with comfort at a critical juncture. This encounter rekindled his sense of faith, allowing him to navigate through grief and uncertainty. Ross's spiritual journey continues as he strives to balance his understanding of morality, war, and the implications of his experiences.
After completion of his military service, Ross transitioned to civilian life while still trying to absorb the complexities of his experiences. The disillusionment he felt towards the military, coupled with his doubts about the church, caused a significant internal conflict. However, Ross endeavored to channel these experiences into teaching the values of resilience and strength to a new generation. Through his journey, he seeks to find meaning and purpose while reconciling the remnants of his past.
Ross embraces a life that encompasses both his service background and his current beliefs, allowing him to multifaceted identity. He experiences the challenge of being a dedicated family man while reconciling with his past experiences in the military. The struggle to communicate his story to family resonates deeply as he seeks to protect his children's faith while navigating personal belief changes. Ross remains committed to being a loving husband and father, drawing strength from both his military service and family life.
Ross reflects on the lessons learned from both his military and personal experiences, emphasizing the importance of love, honor, and duty in his warrior code. He acknowledges the ambiguity of war and its impact on humanity, advocating for a reflection on the morality of actions taken during conflict. Ross passionately desires to leave a legacy of strength, resilience, and unconditional love for his family, hoping to instill these values in his children. Ultimately, he strives for a deeper understanding of life, loss, and the meaning of family, balanced against the harsh reality of his warrior upbringing.
This powerful and emotional story takes you through Marty’s life journey—from his upbringing in Mormonism, his experiences in high school and seminary, to his time in the military and beyond. Marty reflects on growing up in a trailer park, his mission to Jamaica, his struggles with faith, and his experiences in Iraq and Afghanistan. He candidly shares deeply personal moments: battling depression, losing loved ones, questioning his beliefs, and finding peace through family, a farm, and humanism.Explore topics of resilience, transformation, and healing as Marty recounts leaving Mormonism, confronting the trauma of war, and redefining his spiritual beliefs. A heartfelt account of faith, doubt, and the search for meaning.
00:02:30 Intentions for Marty
00:10:20 Growing up in Mormonism
00:24:00 The dynamic of his mother working and his dad being abusive
00:30:50 Interests in High School
00:50:30 Meeting his wife
00:51:20 Getting called to serve his mission in Jamaica
01:23:40 He joined the army without talking to his wife
02:04:45 Going to Afghanistan
02:22:00 Having their first daughter
02:34:35 Feeling the Spirit of Darkness while fighting in Iraq and questioning God
02:54:20 Catching Saddam Hussein and understanding why he did what he did
03:06:00 Reading the book Rough Stone Rolling changed his life
03:09:10 He delivered his daughter in their van by himself
03:14:40 Doing the Lord’s work at finding better ways to kill bad guys
03:24:10 Feeling unworthy to baptize his daughter due to his involvement in war violence
03:36:40 Finding Mormon Stories
03:41:46 Reading The CES Letter and discovering that it was not true
03:58:12 Leaving Mormonism helped him to not be so judgmental
04:18:20 Living a farm life has helped him find peace and connect better to himself and others
04:32:00 How he felt about the Mormon church and being in the military
04:49:56 Story of his father's death while in hospice and his belief in a higher power
05:43:20 Living his life by this new code
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