Canadian Couple Leaves Mormon Church - Ben and Justine Jalaff Pt. 2 | Ep. 2015
May 1, 2025
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Justine Jalaff is a Canadian ex-Mormon, sharing her heartfelt journey of faith crisis and healing. Ben Jalaff, her husband, provides insight into his Venezuelan roots and migration to Canada. Together, they discuss the emotional rollercoaster of early marriage, financial strains, and navigating gender roles within a faith-based context. They reflect on the pressure of conforming to societal expectations, the complexities of motherhood, and their quest for personal identity post-Mormonism. Their plea for empathy highlights the need for understanding amidst evolving beliefs.
Ben and Justine Jalaff reflect on the emotional challenges associated with gender roles and societal expectations within the LDS Church.
The couple discusses how their faith crisis led them to confront hard truths, prompting informed questioning of church doctrines.
They emphasize the importance of building a supportive network of friends who understand and empathize with their journey of leaving the church.
Ben and Justine highlight the transformative power of open communication in their marriage, fostering emotional support and collaboration during their faith transitions.
The Jalaffs articulate the grieving process associated with leaving the church, which enabled personal growth and a renewed sense of identity outside institutional teachings.
Deep dives
The Struggles with Church Authority
The speaker shares a profound realization about the nature of truth and authority within the church. They express frustration at the church's portrayal of truth, as it often seems to rely on blind faith rather than evidence. The speaker discusses the fear of losing their privileged position within the church, especially as a woman who depends on a priesthood holder for spiritual and social standing. This realization prompts a deeper questioning of the church's teachings and a desire for more autonomy in their spiritual journey.
The Weight of Cultural Expectations
The speaker reflects on the cultural expectations imposed by the church, particularly regarding gender roles and responsibilities within the family. They articulate the discomfort associated with being told to fulfill certain roles that do not align with their natural inclinations or experiences. The pressure to conform to these ideals creates a sense of internal conflict, especially regarding providing for the family and leading the household. This dissonance becomes a catalyst for re-evaluating their beliefs and the values they hold.
The Impact of Male Privilege
The speaker emphasizes how losing their priesthood holder means losing their privileges within the church, highlighting the significant disparity between male and female experiences. As a woman in the church, they recognize that their spiritual worth is tied to their husband's worthiness and position. This change in their marital structure raises concerns about their place in the community and how they are perceived by others in the church. This realization fuels their decision to reassess their relationship with the church and its expectations of women.
Questioning Faith and Identity
The speaker recounts the emotional toll of realizing they could no longer adhere to the church's teachings as they once did. They express the fear of being seen as a second-class citizen within the church and worry about how this would affect their children. Grappling with these fears forces the speaker to confront their beliefs and ultimately leads them to seek a deeper understanding of their faith, identity, and values outside of the church's framework. This internal conflict pushes them to find their autonomy and personal beliefs outside of the institutional structure.
Navigating Relationships Post-Church
The impact of leaving the church on family relationships is a significant theme revealed by the speaker. They articulate the fear of being disconnected from loved ones who remain faithful members. The speaker reflects on how this fear adds another layer of complexity to their decision to leave the church, as relationships with parents, siblings, and friends are threatened by their spiritual journey. This aspect reveals the deep emotional struggle involved in crafting a new identity while navigating the potential loss of meaningful relationships.
The Role of Compassionate Alliances
The relationships built with other individuals who understand and empathize with the struggle of leaving the church are highlighted. The speaker acknowledges the importance of having friends who offer unconditional love and support, regardless of differing beliefs. This supportive network is crucial for their emotional well-being and helps foster a sense of belonging outside of the church. The speaker expresses gratitude for friends who have accepted their decision and have allowed them to maintain those bonds despite differing beliefs.
Growth Through Grief
The speaker discusses the grieving process they went through after leaving the church, recognizing it as a necessary step in their healing. They express how this journey of grief opened up space for self-discovery, revealing more about their values and desires. Through this process, the speaker acknowledges the importance of grieving the loss of what they once believed and learning to embrace a new identity beyond the church. This growth comes with the realization that it is possible to have a fulfilling life that is not dependent on institutional teachings.
The Power of Knowledge and Understanding
Knowledge serves as a powerful tool for the speaker in navigating their deconstruction from the church. They emphasize that seeking out information, understanding, and evidence allowed them to reclaim their identity and make confident choices. Engaging with diverse perspectives facilitated a shift in their understanding of church teachings and initiated critical thinking. This transition from blind faith to informed belief empowers the speaker to embrace their autonomy and redefine what spirituality means to them.
Emotional Freedom and Supportive Partnerships
The speaker highlights the transformative power of communication and emotional support within their marriage. They recount how open discussions about their fears and uncertainties over coffee strengthened their bond and helped them redefine their partnership. By shifting the focus from traditional gender roles to teamwork, they found a renewed sense of love and companionship. The empowerment of both partners within the marriage fosters a healthier, more balanced relationship as they navigate their faith journeys together.
Navigating Loss and Moving Forward
The emotional implications of leaving the church reveal the tensions surrounding identity, community, and family. The speaker discusses how their previous blind adherence to church teachings resulted in a lack of personal identity. However, through painful yet necessary experiences, they learn to navigate the losses associated with leaving the church. The resolution is to find peace in their new path while cultivating firm relationships with those who continue to embrace their spiritual journey.
In this powerful continuation of our interview with Ben and Justine, we explore their raw and honest journey from deep devotion in the LDS Church to personal awakening, heartbreak, and healing.
They share how their relationship grew during Justine’s school years, navigating early marriage, financial and gender-role challenges, and the burden of trying to live up to faith-based ideals. From motherhood identity struggles to confronting doctrinal issues and discovering their voices during a faith crisis, this episode is full of vulnerable, eye-opening moments.
Highlights include:
Gender roles & pressure in Mormonism
The cost of silence during a faith crisis
The CES Letter, LDS Discussions & uncovering hard truths
Healing from betrayal, rebuilding marriage & reconnecting with family
Their plea for empathy from believing members
Whether you're in faith, out of faith, or somewhere in between—this is a story about agency, partnership, and finding truth together.
At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals.
Our overall mission is to:
Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology
Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis
Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions
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