Supporting Suicide Loss Survivors: What to Say (and Not Say) After a Tragedy

When someone dies by suicide, words can either bring comfort or cause more pain. In this episode, journalist and suicide loss survivor Deb Sherwood shares the insensitive, stigmatizing comments she received after her husband’s death — and the powerful lessons she learned about the importance of language.

From doctors asking hurtful questions to friends making judgmental remarks, Deb reveals how even well-meaning words can deepen grief. Together, we explore how to talk about suicide with compassion, what not to say, and how small acts of kindness can make all the difference for suicide loss survivors.

If you’ve ever struggled with what to say after a suicide, or if you want to better support someone grieving such a loss, this conversation offers practical, empathetic guidance.

Link to article on recommended things to say after a suicide: https://www.self.com/story/help-friend-suicide-loss-survivor

Primary Topics Covered:

• Why words matter after a suicide loss
• Examples of comments that cause harm, even when unintentional
• The role of stigma and taboo in how people respond
• Helpful vs. harmful language in suicide prevention
• How medical and mental health professionals can better support survivors
• Why asking “how could you not have seen it coming?” retraumatizes survivors
• Practical alternatives: offering specific help instead of vague support
• The healing power of memory-sharing and support groups
• Why it’s okay to leave a therapist who doesn’t respect your grief

Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro: Giving Voice to Depression’s mission
 01:18 – Deb Sherwood shares her husband’s suicide and the secrecy that followed
 02:08 – Why stigma shaped the advice she was given after his death
 03:17 – “Words matter”: harmful language from professionals and friends
 04:32 – Insensitive medical advice and its lasting impact
 06:01 – The retraumatizing effect of intrusive questions in therapy
 07:19 – How others misread her strength as lack of pain
 08:53 – Curiosity vs. empathy: knowing when not to ask questions
 09:32 – The loss of friendships due to stigmatizing comments
 10:22 – Examples of statements that added to her trauma
 11:23 – What actually helps: “sorry for your loss” and offering specific help
 12:03 – Creating memory booklets and sharing stories of the deceased
 13:41 – Why memories matter more than assumptions
 14:22 – Grieving questions survivors will never be able to answer
 15:22 – A tool for kindness: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
 16:06 – Why suicide support groups offer unique healing and understanding
 17:02 – Choosing therapists and supports that respect your grief
 17:24 – Closing thoughts on compassion and language

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