Parenting a Defiant Teen: How to Set Limits When Consequences Don't Work

Jun 3, 2025

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Are you stuck in constant battles with your teen—no matter how many consequences you hand out? You're not alone. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I sit down with renowned psychologist and TEDx speaker Dr. Paul Sunseri, author of Gentle Parenting Reimagined. With over 40 years of experience, Dr. Sunseri offers parents a powerful shift: how to stay calm, set firm boundaries, and transform behavior—without yelling or giving in. If you’ve got a strong-willed or defiant teen, this episode will be a game-changer.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

What to do when consequences no longer work with your teen
How to set effective boundaries without yelling or power struggles
The difference between gentle parenting and permissiveness
How to tie privileges (like screen time) to responsibility

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

Shift from “Fixing the Kid” to Changing the Dynamic: Teen defiance is often about the relationship, not just behavior. Focus on how you respond.
Speak Calmly and Clearly: Avoid emotional reactions. Use matter-of-fact requests to maintain authority without fueling conflict.
Use Privileges Strategically: Tie screen time and other privileges to daily responsibilities—then follow through consistently.
Expect Resistance, But Stay the Course: Change won’t happen overnight. Stay patient and consistent even when it’s tough.
Believe in Their Ability to Grow: Set high (yet compassionate) expectations. Let them fail and learn—it’s how resilience is built.

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RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Paul Sunseri

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell

EPISODE CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding Defiance in Teens
05:13 The Bi-Directional Influence of Behavior
10:05 Common Mistakes Parents Make
18:10 Navigating Emotional Regulation
28:03 Strategies for Managing Household Responsibilities
30:36 The Autonomy Dilemma in Parenting
32:26 Effective Communication Strategies with Teens
34:20 Flexibility and Boundaries in Parenting
36:12 Motivation and Homework Challenges
39:00 Understanding Teen Resistance to Homework
42:31 Balancing Privileges and Responsibilities
45:41 Negotiating Homework and Screen Time
48:56 Navigating Homework Expectations
51:17 Establishing Behavioral Habits
54:36 Setting Realistic Parenting Goals
57:38 The Importance of Limits and Expectations
01:01:29 Building Resilience Through Challenges
01:05:33 Parenting Across Generations

ABOUT THE SHOW

The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together.

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