My guest is Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, Professor of Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Arizona and a world expert on the science of grief and loss. We discuss what happens in the brain and body when we grieve, the role of dopamine and yearning in the grieving process, the health risks of getting stuck at particular stages of grief and how to move through loss while also deeply honoring the person, animal or thing that is no longer with us. Dr. O’Connor explains that grief involves cycling back and forth between protest and despair (often guilt and anger too) and explains science-supported ways to move through that process in the healthiest possible way. Everyone experiences grief and loss at some point. Dr. O’Connor provides valuable knowledge and tools to help you navigate grief under any circumstance.

Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com.

Thank you to our sponsors

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**This experience may not be representative of the experience of other clients of Wealthfront, and there is no guarantee that all clients will have similar experiences. Cash Account is offered by Wealthfront Brokerage LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC. The Annual Percentage Yield (“APY”) on cash deposits as of December 27,‬ 2024, is representative, subject to change, and requires no minimum. Funds in the Cash Account are swept to partner banks where they earn the variable‭ APY. Promo terms and FDIC coverage conditions apply. Same-day withdrawal or instant payment transfers may be limited by destination institutions, daily transaction caps, and by participating entities such as Wells Fargo, the RTP® Network, and FedNow® Service. New Cash Account deposits are subject to a 2-4 day holding period before becoming available for transfer.

Timestamps

00:00:00 Mary-Frances O’Connor

00:02:22 Grief vs Grieving; Love & Bonding, Gone Yet Everlasting

00:07:42 Sponsors: Wealthfront & BetterHelp

00:10:29 Sudden vs Slow Death, Attachment, Reframing Relationship

00:14:52 Religion, Integrating the New Relationship

00:20:46 Yearning, Dopamine, Brain, Addiction

00:27:58 Culture & Grief Literacy; Protest, Despair & Hope, New Relationships

00:40:09 Sponsors: AG1 & Helix Sleep

00:43:21 Protest, Despair & Transmutation; Changing Attachment Hierarchy

00:52:04 Bereavement Support, Medical Risk

01:05:27 Culture, Alcohol & Death; Dying of a Broken Heart, Medical Risk

01:13:40 Sponsor: Function

01:15:28 Navigating Grief, Emotions & Body, Tool: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

01:23:57 Grief Stages; Permission & Coping, Judgment & Guilt; Lessons from Grief

01:35:44 Grieving Suicide, Rumination, Tool: Shifting Environment

01:47:24 Belief Systems, Religion & Grief

01:54:17 Afterlife, Contemplating Death

01:58:35 Tools: Contemplating Death; Life Celebration, Terror Management, Empathy

02:07:46 Mental Oscillation, Dual Model of Bereavement

02:14:00 Avoidance; Remembering a Loved One, Resilience; Getting Worse & Seeking Professional Help

02:22:15 Time Perception & End of Life, Motivation & Energy

02:30:01 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

Disclaimer & Disclosures

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The Hatriarchy, the Machismosphere, and Misbehaving Anons