Getting Discomfortable with Non-Monogamy

I met Emma (not her real name) at World Domination Summit this year and as usual, I brought up the topic of shame and it led into a discussion about the shame she has had to navigate around her non-monogamous marriage. Emma and her husband Fin opened their relationship over a decade ago when they were dating in college, and through trial and error have successfully learned how to incorporate the “adventure” of non-monogamy into their relationship and now marriage. They even do a podcast of their own, Normalizing Non-Monogamy, in which they interview other people and couples about their experiences, both positive and negative, with this “alternative” lifestyle. 

Our interview charts the beginning of their non-monogamous experiment and how they learned to deal with instances of jealousy, betrayal, and rejection. We also explore themes of trust, safety, and the cornerstone of communication that seems to lie at the heart of a successful non-monogamous relationship, and in turn, any relationship. It’s clear that even just exploring the idea of non-monogamy can be a catalyst for the kind of healthy and challenging conversations that strengthen the authenticity, connection, and clarity of any relationship. 

The interview also touches on some of Emma and Fin’s hard-won lessons into the best practices necessary to make a non-monogamous relationship work, how many different types of non-monogamy there are, as well as some fascinating new concepts like “compersion“, “NRE“, and “Relationship Anarchy“. And of course, all of this leads into a look at the shame that stops many of us from even thinking “alternative” lifestyles are a legitimate option for us or pressures us to keep them hidden from the rest of the world.