Losing a Parent to Suicide: A Son’s Journey Through Grief, Guilt, and Healing

What happens when suicide leaves a child behind?

In this moving episode of Giving Voice to Depression, Nic Sheff—author of Ashes in the Ocean—shares his story of losing his father to suicide at just 20 years old. His father’s death left Nic grappling with grief, guilt, confusion, and fear that he would follow in his father’s footsteps.

Through writing, therapy, and years of reflection, Nic began to untangle the complicated emotions that come with suicide loss. He speaks candidly about the silence that surrounded his father’s depression, the anger he carried, and the healing he eventually found by telling his story.

Nic’s openness reminds survivors of suicide loss that their pain is valid, their questions are normal, and healing is possible—even after the most devastating loss.

Learn more about Sebastian and his father in the book "Ashes in the Ocean": https://www.amazon.com/Ashes-Ocean-Through-Learning-Fathers/dp/0692051198/

• Nic’s experience of losing his father to suicide at age 20
• The silence and stigma surrounding his father’s depression
• Guilt, anger, and unanswered questions that follow suicide loss
• The fear of repeating his father’s path and inherited risk
• How writing Ashes in the Ocean became a healing outlet
• The importance of therapy and supportive community in grieving
• Breaking generational silence about mental illness and suicide
• Why sharing stories helps reduce shame and offers hope to others
• Encouragement to survivors that grief can soften with time

Timestamps

00:11 Introduction and episode framing
 01:37 Guest introduction: Nic Sheff, author of Ashes in the Ocean
02:13 Nic shares the story of his father’s suicide
04:22 The silence that surrounded his father’s depression
05:15 Immediate aftermath: shock, confusion, and guilt
06:41 Anger toward his father and the pain of abandonment
08:04 Fear of repeating his father’s path into suicide
09:35 Writing as a healing tool—why Ashes in the Ocean mattered
11:27 How therapy helped process grief and loss
12:49 Breaking the cycle of silence and shame in his family
14:02 Why storytelling is critical in suicide prevention and loss support
15:33 Reflections on healing, resilience, and hope after loss
17:00 Closing messages for suicide loss survivors

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