Smiling on the Outside, Struggling Inside: The Truth About Hidden Depression

Is your smile hiding something deeper?

In this powerful episode of Giving Voice to Depression, guest Andrew shares his candid story about the mask he wore for decades—keeping up a cheerful, functional exterior while battling deep depression and suicidal thoughts inside.

Together with hosts Terry and Dr. Anita Sands, Andrew explores the double-edged nature of masking depression. On one hand, it helps people survive daily obligations, protect their privacy, and avoid stigma. But on the other hand, it fuels isolation, delays help-seeking, and reinforces shame.

Andrew’s writing and reflections reveal the tension between authenticity and survival, and why finding safe people and places to “drop the mask” is essential for healing.

This episode will resonate deeply with anyone who has ever forced a smile while silently struggling—and offers validation, hope, and encouragement to start living more authentically.

Link to Andrew Penner's blog: https://thephoenixnarrative.blog/

Link to Andrew Penner's articles: https://themighty.com/u/andrew-penner/

Link to Andrew Penner's Twitter: https://twitter.com/andrewpenner78

Primary Topics Covered:

• What “smiling” or “functional” depression looks like in everyday life
• How Andrew lived with undiagnosed depression for 20 years
• The rise of suicidal thoughts and his decision to finally seek help
• How medication and self-care helped stabilize his depression
• The mask as both protector and trap: survival tool and isolator
• The stigma that pushes people to hide behind facades
• The dangers of long-term masking and why it worsens suffering
• Writing and self-expression as tools to give shape to depression
• The importance of safe spaces and trusted allies for authenticity
• Why masking prevents others from truly understanding our struggles

Timestamps

00:11 Introduction and welcome
 01:10 Defining the “mask” of smiling or functional depression
 02:49 Guest introduction: Andrew and his blog Rise Above the Ashes
03:19 Living with symptoms for 20 years before diagnosis
03:37 Suicidal thoughts and the breaking point in 2015
04:27 Calling a crisis line and starting therapy/medication
04:59 How medication helped stabilize his life
05:37 Wearing a mask at work while suicidal thoughts looped inside
06:44 The mask as “bane and savior”—strength and poison
07:11 Why masking helps short-term but harms long-term
07:37 The universality of masks—social media, curated lives, facades
08:28 How stigma and stereotypes push people to hide
08:55 Masking feeds depression, making it “hungrier”
09:52 The power of facing struggles head-on instead of running
10:32 The push-pull between authenticity and hiding behind a mask
10:53 Stigma statistics—1 in 5 report, but real numbers likely higher
11:22 Delays in diagnosis: the average 10 years before seeking help
12:10 Why Andrew blogs: to give words and validation to others
13:22 The healing power of creative expression—writing, music, art
14:05 Dr. Anita on the balance of masking vs. authenticity
15:15 Hosts reflect on trust, stigma, and letting others in
15:59 Andrew’s powerful quote: “I don’t want to run from it either.”
16:19 Finding safe people and spaces to take the mask off
17:31 Closing reflections and reminder: if you’re struggling, speak up

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