E114: Stefana Sopco knows how exhausting it can be to fit in

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In this episode, I'm speaking with Stefana Sopco, who moved from Romania to the Netherlands seven years ago.

Stefana had never thought of leaving Romania. But after her husband moved to the Netherlands for better job opportunities, she reluctantly followed; with €80 in her pocket and a lot of anxiety.

Now, this isn't a zero to hero story. What I loved about Stefana is how she absolutely refuses to romanticize the immigrant experience. She reminds me of Anam Zakaria of Qissa. She talks about the depression, the anxiety, and the identity crisis that comes with trying to find belonging and acceptance in a foreign culture.

Like Stefana, maybe we all need to stop trying to fit into boxes that weren't made for us. Because life is usually much better once we accept ourselves—strange accent and all.

In this conversation, Stefana and I chat about the impact immigration can have on one’s mental health. We also explore:

* Why immigrants find it easier to make friends with other immigrants

* Accepting herself and its benefits

* The permanence of being an in-betweener

* The guilt and heartbreak that comes with watching your parents age from afar

Dozie’s Notes

A few things that stuck with me as I listened through this week’s conversation:

* Every immigrant’s biggest fear is getting the dreaded call that something has happened to their parents. And then depending on when you last travelled back home to see them, you’ll lash yourself with guilt for months or years.

* It can be exhausting trying to perform as someone else because you are desperate to fit in. I don’t think there’s anything like being perfectly integrated, except you are a 4yo kid.

* You are never going to fully belong to your new country or the old one. I am not sure, but maybe accepting that is the best thing we can do for ourselves. That liminal space is not a problem to solve. It’s an identity that we’ll carry forever.

Official Links

✅ Connect with Stefana Sopco on LinkedIn

One Ask

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Join us as we explore the bitter-sweet world of the immigrant.

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