How this physician's first experience with death affected her

"My sister called me. I answered. And, then, I lost it: 'He died. He died,' I repeated. 'Our patient died. I literally did CPR on this guy. We tried to save his life, and he died,' I repeated over and over. The tears streaming down my cheeks were cathartic. More than signifying a loss, the tears signified that I was still human, that I haven't lost touch with reality. Residency hasn't changed me. Death still affects me. I'm not numb. I'm human.

My tears were confirmation that I haven't changed in that way. I was not calloused. He died. And I still felt it. I had a heart."

Maseray S. Kamara is a general surgery resident and can be reached on Instagram @drkamara.

She shares her story and discusses her KevinMD article, "Death still affects me. I'm not numb. I'm human." (https://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2020/09/death-still-affects-me-im-not-numb-im-human.html)

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