Your Brain on Love: How to Find it and How to Keep it. With Dr. Helen Fisher
Feb 25, 2025
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Dr. Helen Fisher, a renowned anthropologist and Chief Science Advisor at Match.com, dives into the neuroscience of love and relationships. She explores if true love is real and why it requires effort to maintain. The conversation touches on how the pandemic has shifted dating dynamics, leading to deeper connections and a greater focus on family stability. Dr. Fisher shares insights on the science behind attraction, the evolution of modern dating, and the complexities of romantic partnerships, emphasizing emotional intelligence and the neurobiological aspects of love.
The pandemic has significantly increased singles' desire for long-term commitments, with 76% now seeking marriage-oriented partners compared to 58% pre-pandemic.
Understanding brain systems influencing attraction helps individuals recognize their compatibility and improve their chances of forming successful relationships.
Deep dives
Post-Pandemic Attitudes Toward Relationships
The pandemic has significantly shifted attitudes toward relationships and marriage among singles, with a marked increase in the desire for commitment. Survey data reveals that prior to the pandemic, 58% of singles expressed a desire for a marriage-oriented partner, while this figure has risen to 76% post-pandemic. This trend indicates that many are seeking stability and are more motivated to establish long-term partnerships, particularly within younger generations like Gen Z and millennials. The pandemic has catalyzed what is referred to as 'the great reset,' prompting individuals to prioritize meaningful connections and settle down sooner.
The Rise of Video Dating
Video dating has become a prominent feature in modern courtship, with a significant increase in usage during the pandemic. Before the pandemic, around 17% of singles engaged in video dates, which has now risen to approximately 27%, with about 50% of Gen Z and millennials utilizing this method. This approach fosters more meaningful and honest conversations, allowing individuals to vet potential partners before meeting in person. Consequently, this trend is expected to lead to more comfortable and stable first dates, as individuals enter these encounters with a better understanding of each other.
Understanding Compatibility Through Brain Systems
People are instinctively drawn to partners based on natural predispositions, influenced by specific brain systems linked to desire and attraction. Four key systems shape individual personality traits: dopamine (explorers), serotonin (builders), testosterone (directors), and estrogen (negotiators). Compatibility often arises from shared characteristics in the dopamine and serotonin systems, while oppositional dynamics can occur between testosterone and estrogen-driven individuals. Understanding these systems can help people recognize their inherent inclinations and enhance their chances of forming successful relationships.
Sustaining Love and Attachment
To maintain long-term relationships, it is essential to nurture feelings of romantic love, physical attraction, and deep attachment. This involves prioritizing sexual intimacy, engaging in novel activities together, and practicing continuous emotional support with actions like kissing and physical closeness. Regularly participating in new experiences can revitalize romantic feelings, while effective communication and mutual respect prevent stagnation in the relationship. Foundational to this is the recognition that true love thrives on trust, with an emphasis on cultivating an environment where both partners feel valued and understood.
An encore episode with host Ariel Garten and guest Dr. Helen Fisher.
We look into our brains to answer if true love is real? How to find a mate? Keep one? Do opposites really attract? Our guest is Dr. Helen Fisher, Anthropologist, an expert on the neuroscience of love, and the Chief Science advisor of Match.com. She’s seen it all lately- from the eternal qualities of mate selection to changing trends in love during covid, to why the next generation of families might be more stable, and how, according to our brain, to make love last. Dr. Fisher gets personal and shares it all with us.
As always, we’re Untangle, the podcast from Muse, the brain sensing headband dedicated to unlocking your brains potential AND Meditation Studio the five star app. Unlock 30 days of Meditation Studio for free at choosemuse.com/meditationstudio.