(Release was delayed, unreleased episode 980)
### Summary of the Video
**Introduction**
- Welcome to Part Three of Interpersonal Skills series.
- Focus on how past impacts present relationships, especially primary attachment relationships.
- Host: Dr. Donell Snipes.
- Objectives: Identify signs of relationship insecurities, explore past relationships' impact on present ones, and identify interventions for addressing relationship insecurities.
**Signs of Relationship Insecurities**
- Difficulty trusting partner.
- Regularly comparing oneself or partner to others.
- Requiring frequent reassurance.
- Anxiety when separated.
- Internalizing negative thoughts and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.
- Feeling of distance or detachment.
- Reading negative into partner’s words or actions.
**Impact of Past Relationships**
- Past relationships, including primary attachment and friendships, influence current relationships.
- Carrying baggage from past relationships can impact new relationships.
- Holding current partners responsible for past hurts.
- Idealizing past relationships and comparing them to present ones.
**Unhealthy Relationship Characteristics**
- Chaos, abuse, neglect, boundary violations, invalidation.
- Appearance-focused rather than genuine connection.
- Role reversals in parent-child dynamics.
- Low self-esteem and feeling inadequate despite best efforts.
- Difficulty trusting people due to past unpredictability.
**Interventions and Activities**
1. **Relationship Inventory:**
- Assess primary attachment relationships and significant adult relationships.
- Identify learned behaviors and characteristics from these relationships.
2. **Brick and Backpack Activity:**
- Write names of past relationships on bricks, carry them in a backpack.
- Reflect on the weight and impact of carrying past relationship baggage.
3. **Venn Diagrams:**
- Compare and contrast past and current relationships to identify unique aspects.
4. **Collage and Advertising Campaign:**
- Create a collage of self-appreciation.
- Develop an advertising campaign highlighting personal strengths.
5. **Thought Stopping and Handling Hecklers:**
- Techniques to manage and redirect negative self-talk.
6. **Heartbreak Pot:**
- Break and reassemble a terracotta pot, symbolizing healing and support systems.
**Embracing Imperfection and Communication**
- Accepting that neither partner will be perfect 100% of the time.
- Importance of open communication and mindfulness.
- Articulating needs and expectations clearly.
- Developing rules for resolving challenges.
- Regular self and relationship maintenance.
**Grieving Past Relationships**
- Understanding the grieving process for past relationships.
- Reviewing messages received about dealing with loss.
- Identifying and processing continuing issues from past relationships.
**Summary**
- Recognizing and addressing insecurities stemming from past relationships.
- Importance of self-awareness, communication, and maintenance in healthy relationships.
- Encouragement to embrace imperfections and work towards synergistic partnerships.
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### Major Time Codes
0:00 Introduction by Dr. Donell Snipes, overview of session objectives.
3:20 Signs of relationship insecurities, common indicators of problems.
10:15 Impact of past relationships on current dynamics, carrying baggage.
18:45 Unhealthy relationship characteristics, examples and consequences.
26:30 Interventions and activities, practical exercises for addressing issues.
39:00 Embracing imperfection and communication, tips for healthier interactions.
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Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes