Jordan Carlos is in The Simon & Garfunkel Phase of Parenting

Comedian Jordan Carlos joins Ophira Eisenberg to talk about parenting two kids with very different personalities—his 10-year-old daughter, a perfectionist baker supplied with Costco-sized vanilla extract, and his six-year-old son, who polices Halloween candy wrappers with post-it notes. Jordan shares how his daughter’s three grandmothers got her hooked on baking, and how his son’s sharp eye caught him sneaking Whoppers late at night. The conversation moves into the emotional leap from age eight to ten, the Simon & Garfunkel “Hello Darkness” phase, and balancing attention between siblings. Jordan also compares Black and White Thanksgivings—Dallas versus New Hampshire—while marveling at his in-laws’ quiet avoidance of conflict. He tells a wild story about losing his wallet while paddle boating on Governor’s Island, diving into the muck to retrieve it as his son scolded him for swearing. From babysitters drinking beer on the job to a childhood broken arm he let heal on its own out of fear of getting in trouble, Jordan reflects on rule-following, parenting negotiations, and the strange privileges kids have today. The episode ends with Jordan imagining how much more his kids might care about U.S. history if Taylor Swift told the story of Ellis Island.

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