#145 – Grieving the loss of faith

David Morris, with a PhD in psychology and theology, tells us about the psychology behind forming a spiritual/religious worldview, and then rejecting that worldview, and the mourning process that follows.

In this episode, we talk to Dr. David Morris, who holds a PhD in psychology and in theology, worked for one of the largest publishers of Christian books (Zondervan), and is now starting up his own publishing business.

David first gave us his personal story of growing up in a very Evangelical home (Southern Baptist), but ended up giving up almost everything he believed …. twice! Once after coming through university, and encountered a number of intellectual assaults on his faith, from which he reconstructed a very different (more liberal) Christian faith. The second time, though, was more a result of religious abuse, from which he’s still recovering.

Having his doctorate in both psychology and theology, he had to process the wide range of emotions he was going through as he deconstructed and deconverted … again, twice. Fear, anger, grief, betrayal, …. as well as peace, release, and a new understanding of himself.

David then talked to us in detail about the psychology behind the formation of a world view and belief system, as well as the psychology behind leaving both of those. We covered a wide range of topics, all related to the first half of his book — Psychology of disillusionment, mourning and a return of hope — in which he gives a foundational understanding of the history, sociology and psychology of a theology:

• sociological surveys
• Sigmund Freud
• the Jesus movement of the 70s and 80s
• America founded by Fundamentalists; Canada founded by French/Catholics, and then by British/Protestants
• Fowler’s Faith Stage Theory …. religious/spiritual formation parallels cognitive/behavioral/psychological development from childhood to independent adult
• Erik Erikson … the interaction between self and society; famous for coining phrase “identity crisis”
• how we need safe spaces to explore spirituality and religious world views
• the fifth chapter of his book: longest one in the book (2-3 times longer than the other ones) is all about mourning the loss of faith
• Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief (denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance)
• Freud’s mourning versus melancholia
• diffusing the negative emotional energy of painful memories, and then reinvesting that in/with something new
• getting “stuck” in a certain stage of development (Erikson/Fowler) or of grieving (Freud/Kübler-Ross)
• Melanie Klein and “pining” for something new after the grieving of leaving something old

In the second half of his book, David devotes a chapter to each of six different individuals: people in many respects much like any one of us (in other words, not prominent leaders or personalities) who went through a convoluted, complex, difficult spiritual journey that involved at least one re-formation of their worldview and spirituality. I’m sure the listeners will relate personally to at least one of these six people (I particularly related to Randall … giving up the faith of his father). In each chapter, David applies the psychosocioanalytical tools described in the first half of the book.

One of several threads that ran through all six stories? … it’s a long process or journey, lasting decades.

At the end of our conversation, we asked David about the subtitle of his book, particularly the phrase: “… and a return of hope.” What is this hope? His answer ….. coming alive to life, finding things that bring you joy that you can connect to …. becoming a whole person, and being able to ask all the questions you want to ask and finding a space to talk about those things … community again!

As always, tell us your thoughts on this topic …

You can find more about Dr. David Miller at his personal webpage, or the one for his publishing business (Lake Drive Books), and his blog page.

If you enjoyed this episode, you may also like ones we’ve done before on the neurobiology of the spiritual experience and on spiritual/religious abuse (seven to choose from here).

Episode images used by permission from Dr. David Morris.

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