Terry Real: The Five Traps that Undermine Your Love & One Simple Solution

Is society setting you up to fail in your marriage? World-renowned relationship therapist Terry Real sees a toxic culture of individualism troubling society at every level.

We are told to strive for personal productivity and perfection, ignoring the fact that we exist in a web of crucial relationships.

In this episode, Terry describes research showing that the mind exists in a social context, and that couples in fact co-regulate each other’s nervous systems.

Getting this right is very tricky, though, if you grew up without enough emotional support. The survival strategies that got you through childhood may, in fact, “torch your personal relationships”.

Andrew and Terry discuss the five most common traps that can undermine your relationship:

🚩 Needing to be right

🚩 Controlling your partner

🚩 Unbridled self-expression

🚩 Retaliation

🚩 Shutting down

We can overcome these, however, by tapping into our wiser, more collaborative self. If we can find the “us” rather than the “I”, we can achieve the warmer, more intimate relationships many of us long for. 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50. 

Buy Terry Real’s new book Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (out 22 March 2022).

Take a look at Terry Real’s other books, including The New Rules of Marriage and How Can I Get Through to You?

Visit Terry Real’s website https://terryreal.com 

Follow Terry Real on Facebook and YouTube @TerryRealRLI 

Read Andrew’s blog “Three Secrets of a Happy Relationship”

 Read Andrew’s book Can We Start Again Please? Twenty Questions to Fall Back in Love

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall